Gave Her Over

I have to document this night for posterity. Tonight I gave my mom over to God when I can't even begin to fathom His ways of reaching out to her.

She belongs to Him. She is His to claim and my hold on her can do nothing to help her. So I let go, with trembling hands, but I trust Him to do His will in this. Whatever that may be.

If this makes no sense to you, I'm sorry. Ask me about it in a few years. It'll be quite a tale to tell...

I Love Kids...

I babysit for a few hours a night on Thursdays. I love it. Today I went to get a few of the kids and their mom told me that they were so excited that they were coming to play with me. (This is my second week to watch them.) I told her it was because I was a child too. I have to admit it was pretty wonderful walking into the room and having two little faces light up at seeing me...

All told there were five of them. Ranging from ages 4 to 11. We ran around the playground while the sun was still up. There were a few incidents where I had to use "the voice" to tell them to stop throwing rocks, but other than that, outside was good.

It was a night of teaching for me...Inside I taught Kaitlin how to fold a card in half, cut it and make a heart. She told me I was "perfect at cutting hearts." I politely thanked her. She's a very polite seven-year-old herself. I read her a story about Noah's ark and I told her about how rainbows are signs of God's promises. Then I taught Philip how to make a paper airplane, he's five. I think he'll be an architect one day because he can build the greatest things with legos.

With Shiela I make up math questions because Math is her favorite subject...And then I was greeted with a "hi mommy, I made you breakfast." It was Conner, age 4, and he'd made me a breakfast of eggs and a cup of coffee...All plastic of course...He's got quite an imagination on him...They all do come to think of it...

How 'Bout Now God?

December 11. I will have been in Baton Rouge for three years on December 11, 2006. My mind whirls at the thought of it. I've never been in one spot for longer than 3 years. We moved around alot in my fathers' caretaking of oil pumps. Even college was only two and a half.

Every few months I go through the "how 'bout now?" stage with God. Its like clockwork. Something or someone will tell me to move on, get another job, find another church I can love, usually in another state, usually in Texas. They'll say just the thing to make my ears perk up to where God and I sit in a closet and once again I ask for a "Could You say that again? Louder."

Lately, as I get older, they've begun to use different tactics. I would be so much happier if you were here, I just want some companionship for you, I need you here, why do you have to be there, they don't need you, your husband is in Texas, you can love God anywhere Allison...

I know. I know that there are other jobs, better pay, other churches, different people I could love elsewhere. But God has me here. Still. Much to my confusion and utter bewilderment in if He's able to use me at all here, but I'm here nonetheless. I've seen the world, I've done tons of different things and God still has me here. Baton Rouge. Louisiana. My heart is firm on one point though. No matter where He leads me I want to be smack dab in the center of His will...

Part of my heart jumps for joy at the thought of having roots. I think I would love that. The other part of me, the traveler in me, wonders when He's going to take me somewhere else... I don't know what the other side of three years in one place looks like...

Yeah, but What is Your Name?

22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions.

24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.

25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man.

26 Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak." But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." 27 The man asked him, "What is your name?"

"Jacob," he answered. 28 Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."

29 Jacob said, "Please tell me your name."
But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.

30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."

31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel and he was limping because of his hip. Gen. 32...

I think Jacob and I would get along. We're both stubborn as the day is long. He limps because of his fight with God. I limp because one of my legs is an inch shorter. We both have our own Peniels. He wrestled with God, I'm in the middle of "I've learned this lesson by now" challenging Him to an arm wrestling contest. One of my friends put it this way, you're a passionate woman of God who feels deeply and has a stubborn streak as wide as Texas.

And apparently I have a mouth like a sailor. I just got back from community group. We were talking about having abundant life in Christ. And some of us were giving personal examples in our walks. There we are, and I blurt out, I just don't have the courage to give everything over to Him because the thought of an abundant life scares the bleep outta me. Yeah! I bleeped!

And then I apologized because I was so emotional I cussed. They graciously laughed it off, but I was still embarrassed. Cussing aside, I'm still a wimp. I meant what I said about not having the courage to give Him everything. Eight months of wrestling with Him about whether my desires are coming from Him or me and I still think I'm in the same place I started at. Abundant life is something I just don't have the heart for at the moment. But with the stubborn streak He's given me, I fully expect Him to not keep me here for long. He's got plans for me, I just need the courage to see it through...

A Bride and Being Barefoot

A friend of mine and I are reading at a wedding. We're both excited about it. (I crack jokes about it so I can not feel so nervous about doing it.) We were messaging each other back and forth and she said she hoped her knee didn't give out going up the stairs. Then last night at church she told me that she was going to up there barefoot because she can't walk up stairs with heels. I laughed and told her that I had planned on wearing flats, because I shake like a leaf when I'm nervous and theres no way I'm shaking like a leaf in four inch heels. So I think the beautiful bride is going to have two barefoot readers for her wedding...