Just where I'm at at the moment...
Tonight at church, Proverbs brought a grin to my face. The book of Proverbs and I go back a ways in the history of my life. It's probably my favorite book of the Bible if I had to pick. My mother always woke up early to read it before the day started when I was a wee girl, then when I was in junior high, I memorized the book twice. We had to recite it a chapter at a time, 3 helps or less. Did I mention I wasn't allowed to wear jeans growing up either? Crazy but true. Which might explain why I'm bit of a prude.
Anyways, at 5:45 prayer today, I did my usual habit of reading a few verses or chapters before inviting God into our presence. It gets my heart ready to speak with my Lord. Let me start off by explaining what 5:45 prayer is. Its a 30 minute time period before the corporate service starts at my church. My pastor sometimes gives a synopsis of what he plans to speak on, gives us a broad stroke of where he feels God is leading him, or he just lets us loose to pray however we want. I like when he just lets us loose to pray for anything and everything to prepare the room for the God of the Universe to show off.
So I'm reading a few verses and a few of them bring a smile to my face. Others have a big neon flashing sign with my name on it because it applies to what I'm going through in my life at the moment. Tonight one of those verses was Proverbs 13:12.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
As of 47 days ago, I began hoping. Not a great hope, more of a yeah right, that's not gonna happen but my heart is too naive to think otherwise kind of hope. I don't think hope is bad. I think its a healthy part of my heart. However, I'm also analytical and when faced with facts tend to toss that ol' hope right out the window. Ok, I try to. But there's that itsy bitsy spark that smolders and doesn't go out. The past week has doused that hope. Reality has set in. And I'm eerily calm about it. In fact, I'm eerily calm about everything at the moment. Like I've just been beaten to a pulp and everything is just numb. That's where I'm at. Like I'm present in the moment, but not actually IN the moment. Like I'm just an observer to my own life. I know God is going to do something great in my life, but at the moment, I'm too numb to even guess what that is or will be. So I understand the "hope deferred makes the heart sick," but haven't gotten to the "longing fulfilled" part yet. I'll let you know when God sweeps in and does something about that whole "longing" thing. Right now I've got the inkling He's just waiting. Probably for me to stop using all this book knowledge in my head and have a little faith.
I sure can't wait for Him to show off in my life.....Then I'd really have something to write about!!
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3 comments:
We talked about abundant life in sunday school yesterday. It just got me to thinking about how the whole idea of letting God loose in my life intimidates me.
I disagree that my hope and focus were elsewhere. I think that I've just been intimidated enough to not let God run free in areas of my life. I get a taste of the freedom He offers in one area, but shrink back in giving Him other parts of my life to shine through.
Heard a sermon a long time ago that had four points that will apply to waiting periods or just to life in general.
1- Do what you can. We are all unique in our God given talents and need to do what we alone can do for God and our world.
2- Say what you know. Whether we have a biblical education or not, we know what God has done in our lives and that is what we need to be telling and witnessing how great God is.
3- Use what you have. Whether we have little or much, use it in telling the wonderful works of God.
4- Start where you are. Start in your own area and if God wants you elsewhere, He will move you.
Hope this helps in some way. God is with you - hold on!! ec
I love tongue in cheek humor! Like God hasn't shown off in your life. Everytime I read your blog I see Him and what He is doing in your life. I love your honesty, it's very encouraging, and I get to chuckle every now and again to boot.
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