Being in Love at 25...

I'm in love. And its been a long time coming, let me tell you. It began when He and I started holding hands when I was eight. And its grown and hopefully matured as we've gotten closer and I've gotten older. I still don't understand all there is to love. I know there are different kinds. C.S. Lewis says there are four in his book aptly named, The Four Loves. Affection, Friendship, Eros, and Charity. (I heart C.S. Lewis. I think he was a good man with a gift in showing the world the motivations of Christians. Or what those motivations should look like...)

Affection (storge, στοργη) is fondness through familiarity, especially between family members or people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance.

Friendship (philia, φιλια) is a strong bond existing between people who share a common interest or activity. Lewis explicitly says that his definition of Friendship is narrower than mere Companionship; Friendship in his sense only exists if there is something for the Friendship to be about.

Eros (ερος) is love in the sense of 'being in love'. This is distinct from sexuality, which Lewis calls Venus, although he does spend time discussing sexual activity and its spiritual significance in both a pagan and a Christian sense. He warns against the danger of elevating Eros to the status of a god, but he also praises it as an indifferent appreciation of the beloved as opposed to any pleasure that can be obtained from them.

Charity (agape, αγαπη) is a love towards one's neighbor which does not depend on any lovable qualities that the object of love possesses. Lewis sees charity as a specifically Christian virtue, and the chapter on the subject focuses on the need of subordinating the natural loves to the love of God.

My roomie asked me a few days ago what would happen if I let go unashamedly loved. I told her I had no idea. I was too scared to try it. The unknown is not really something I just want to jump into. I'll stick a toe in, but even then its gingerly...

I think the whole point these past few weeks is that He's been waiting for me to not be embarrassed about loving Him. I'm not sure why love has become something I'm ashamed of. I'm embarrassed to love you, Him, me. It comes from my insecurity in that what I have to give you is not worth anything of value. Its not tangible. It won't make your life any better in the long run. (I'm learning to recognize insecurity and putting it up against who He says I am. Let me tell you, the Bible cuts through lies and crap like a hot knife through butter.)

So after knocking down some of the walls I keep up, I've realized the more I let go and love Him, the more opportunities I have to love others. It's quite nice actually. He turns my days into little ways to love. It encourages me to not be so selfish and to take the time and effort to listen and care for others. This might sound silly but I'm completely OK with it. I love Him more than I can write, tell you, show you. I serve Someone who loves me beyond my human comprehension and that just has its effects on me. He told me to love, but I didn't know that in loving Him He'd show off by letting me love others. Mmmm. He's a good Man...