My Sword is Dragging...

This past week has been rough on me. I'm not sure why. My days consisted of work, then going to volunteer at a shelter, then going to bed. Doesn't sound terrifying, but it was. Here's why. I've had a nightmare every night that week. That's not a big deal until I give a bit of family history. Ok, I don't dream a lot. If I have a nightmare, its usually the Holy Spirit telling me that something is about to happen that I need to be ready for. And its never happy stuff. Or lotto numbers. Its just God giving me a heads up, this might hurt a bit and you need to be ready. Its like that with all the women in my family. We get a spiritual pinch once in a while. Alright, enough history.

So I'm having these nightmares. Not like I was giving a speech in front of the class naked nightmares. These were serious, I wake up terrified at 3am and can't get back to sleep because of them nightmares. I remember all of them. Here's the Cliff notes version of a few of them:

Nightmare #1
I was at a home that I knew was mine but had never been to before in real life, and there was this guy there who I knew wasn't supposed to be there. He knew it too. So I went upstairs to figure out how to get him out of my house. I needed someone or something to help me get him out, but help wasn't coming. When I went back downstairs I just looked at him. And although he didn't "say" anything to me, I got the distinct impression that he was there to get me. It was only a matter of time and I needed to accept that fact that he was going to win. At this point I wake up, a little in shock that it was so real. And then I start praying.....

Nightmare #2
I'm in a white truck, might have been mine (yes, I drive a truck, but am still very much a girl), but I wasn't driving. I was in the passenger side. I'd been in some type of accident and I couldn't see. I start yelling for someone to help me. I'm wimpering and trying to find the door handle. I'm not in physical pain but I'm starting to panic. All of the sudden I'm out of the truck. I know my friends are there. I can't see them, but I can feel their presence. I'm grasping out to them, straining to just touch them. Calling out to whomever is there to just come a little bit closer so I can feel them. They don't move. They stay just out of my reach. At this point, I wake up with tears streaming down my face. And then I start praying.....

Nightmare #3
This was the scariest one. I guess because of its simplicity. It was me and that guy from the first nightmare. Nothing around us. Just me and him. And he's staring at me with eyes that turn my blood cold. I know I'm supposed to fight him. I can feel it, but I'm dragging. The only thought I have in my mind at the time is that if this guy is representative of who I think it is, he can't have me because I belong to Another. The guy gets closer and closer to me and I'm so scared. Terrified. At the point where I physically can't take any more, I wake up. My heart is racing and I've lost half my body weight in sweat. And then I start praying.....

Ok, I think you get the idea. Bad dreams. I'd prayed after every nightmare and it wasn't the magical bandaid it was supposed to be. I didn't fall asleep into a gentle peaceful slumber. I didn't think of pink unicorns and fluffy bunnies. I was scared and I stayed awake until it was time to go to my office to work and then volunteer for a couple hours a day. I would pray every night and read my bible before I went to sleep and ask that God would protect me from whatever was going on. And I think He did. Every time I walked through it, God was faithful to bring me out of it. Was I worried? Scared? Wondering what was going on? Heck yes I was!! I contacted friends and family to see if everything was alright. And I still had nightmares. And then saturday night, I asked God if He could just snuggle in with me so I could sleep and then eight hours later I woke up. I know I slept in His arms that night. It was wonderful. I think He said enough is enough and drew the line.

So here's my theory about the nightmares. I think I'm doing what God has called me to do. Serve and love others. And I think I'm pissing off the underlings. I know that not everything is an attack by Satan. But I was thinking about it yesterday. You know that Satan has to ask permission to mess with us? He had ask God if he could mess with Job back in the day and he still has to play by God's rules. So am I becoming a threat? Does Satan see me as an adversary he needs to knock out? I honestly don't know. I don't think I'm some spiritual giant. I'm not a preacher telling the world about God. I'm just trying to live a life that glorifies God. And I'm not new to spiritual battle. I know that I fight spiritually and sometimes my sword drags in the sand. Not because my heart is not in it, I'm just physically and mentally exhausted from the physical world. And Satan is dumb enough to think that just because I'm weary and tired, I can be had. Sure, I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box, but I'm the daughter of the One who made the box. And sometimes when I'm too weak to fight, He takes over and fights for me.