Gotta Hate Those Stinking Christian...

I was flipping through looking for a friend of mine's wordpress today. I've deleted my myspace page so I've lost some of my connections. I was glancing through this and found this link. The name of the post was Gotta Hate Those Stinking Christian... His name is well, he doesn't leave his name actually. Hmm. I thought that was odd, but whatever.

I caution you before you read this. It's not nice, its not pretty and if you aren't grounded in who you are, I'd ask that you don't read this. Titus 1:9 says he must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. He's talking about elders in that passage but i think its a piece of wisdom we could all use.

There's a lot of this that is heart-breaking. Part of me wanted to stop reading. (I don't need to stick my face in a cow patty to know that it smells bad.) But another part of me wanted to see what his view was. He's obviously an intelligent person. He's an atheist who doesn't preach atheism. He doesn't believe there is a God and makes sweeping generalizations about Christians. He's found exactly what he needs to back up his claim that we are brainwashed.

And yet reading this got me excited about my faith. Which is probably not his point in writing this. When he says, "And there are even people with the mission to seek and convert every single person in the world. They just can't resist. Look at this and this and tell me they don'’t make you feel a little disgusted. These people are systematically converting the entire world."

Yes we are. That's the whole point. I want this man to know the God I serve. The God who loves his brilliant mind and razor sharp tongue. I want him to talk to Him about his doubts and questions and truly seek Him. I pray one day he'll take his questions to the One who can answer all of them...

When God Plays With Us...

Courtney and I went on a picnic yesterday. We randomly do that. It's completely silly, completely fun and just a breath of fresh air for the both of us. I had my canes (chicken strips...and as many extra pieces of toast they could give me...) and she had her jason's deli (a pile of rabbit food with a fruit cup.) I'm pretty sure Courtney will live longer than me.

Anyhoo, so we are eating our food, catching up with each others' lives. The past few weeks have been busy in different ways for both of us. We're chatting, giggling, almost falling off the bleachers... Ok, that was me. I'm grace personified, let me tell you. We finish our respective meals. Courtney is eating her fruit cup and I'm picking out the grapes in it. I grab one, sit up straighter, say here goes, and toss it into the air. It comes down a little faster than I was expecting (9.8 m/s/s) and plops into my mouth. We're very excited about it. It's now Courtney's turn. She says something along the lines of, I've never been able to do this. I cheer her on. (I think my friends can do pretty much anything.) So she sits up, mumbles something that sounds very much like Philippians 4:13 and throws the grape into the air. Its one of the highest tosses I've seen. It's coming straight down, I'm holding my breath, and Wham! lands right into her mouth! We both start doing a victory dance because it was just that exciting. The best part about it was the look of surprise on her face when she turned to me with the grape in her mouth. It was very much a "did that just happen?" look. And then says, it was because I said Philippians 4:13! We just erupt into more giggles, thrilled with our little grape game.

And Philippians 4:13 that she is talking about? "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Not Good With Boys...

I'm not good with little boys. Or big boys come to think of it, but that's an entirely different blog. Since it was Thursday night, I was babysitting. And Connor decked me today. Connor is about three feet tall. Can talk your ear off. And also loves to get right in your face when he wants to talk to you.

Tonight I noticed his shoe was untied. I told him to give me that leg so I can tie his shoe, thinking he's going to put his leg on my knee since I was sitting down. Nope, he's still at the age when he likes to be held, but only when its his decision to be held. He plops down on my lap and throws his head back. And knocks my chin so hard I saw stars. Of course then he wants his shoe tied and I'm trying to not let him fall off my lap cuz I'm still smarting from his blow.

I was telling Ms. Diane, the lady I work with, if I have boys, I'll have no idea what to do with them. I don't know how to explain it, they're just...boys... And I am clueless as to how to deal...But bruised chin or not, the little guy makes me grin.

Being in Love at 25...

I'm in love. And its been a long time coming, let me tell you. It began when He and I started holding hands when I was eight. And its grown and hopefully matured as we've gotten closer and I've gotten older. I still don't understand all there is to love. I know there are different kinds. C.S. Lewis says there are four in his book aptly named, The Four Loves. Affection, Friendship, Eros, and Charity. (I heart C.S. Lewis. I think he was a good man with a gift in showing the world the motivations of Christians. Or what those motivations should look like...)

Affection (storge, στοργη) is fondness through familiarity, especially between family members or people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance.

Friendship (philia, φιλια) is a strong bond existing between people who share a common interest or activity. Lewis explicitly says that his definition of Friendship is narrower than mere Companionship; Friendship in his sense only exists if there is something for the Friendship to be about.

Eros (ερος) is love in the sense of 'being in love'. This is distinct from sexuality, which Lewis calls Venus, although he does spend time discussing sexual activity and its spiritual significance in both a pagan and a Christian sense. He warns against the danger of elevating Eros to the status of a god, but he also praises it as an indifferent appreciation of the beloved as opposed to any pleasure that can be obtained from them.

Charity (agape, αγαπη) is a love towards one's neighbor which does not depend on any lovable qualities that the object of love possesses. Lewis sees charity as a specifically Christian virtue, and the chapter on the subject focuses on the need of subordinating the natural loves to the love of God.

My roomie asked me a few days ago what would happen if I let go unashamedly loved. I told her I had no idea. I was too scared to try it. The unknown is not really something I just want to jump into. I'll stick a toe in, but even then its gingerly...

I think the whole point these past few weeks is that He's been waiting for me to not be embarrassed about loving Him. I'm not sure why love has become something I'm ashamed of. I'm embarrassed to love you, Him, me. It comes from my insecurity in that what I have to give you is not worth anything of value. Its not tangible. It won't make your life any better in the long run. (I'm learning to recognize insecurity and putting it up against who He says I am. Let me tell you, the Bible cuts through lies and crap like a hot knife through butter.)

So after knocking down some of the walls I keep up, I've realized the more I let go and love Him, the more opportunities I have to love others. It's quite nice actually. He turns my days into little ways to love. It encourages me to not be so selfish and to take the time and effort to listen and care for others. This might sound silly but I'm completely OK with it. I love Him more than I can write, tell you, show you. I serve Someone who loves me beyond my human comprehension and that just has its effects on me. He told me to love, but I didn't know that in loving Him He'd show off by letting me love others. Mmmm. He's a good Man...

In Absentia...

I haven't been to the Ring in two weeks. Just typing that is weird. The fact that it's true is even weirder. Is weirder a word? Anyhoo, I've not been there. The first week I was in Texas visiting the folks, the second week I was a half a mile away at my house.

I was pretty much like a caged animal last night. I'd been praying about not going since wednesday and truly felt at peace about it. Which once again, was weird. Then last night I was pacing back and forth, cleaning the apartment, paying bills, wondering why I was here when all I wanted to be was up the road with my family. But every time I picked up my keys to go, I'd have the feeling that I was supposed to stay home. I'd sigh, put my keys down and keep my mouth shut. And then proceed to find something else to keep my mind off the fact that I wasn't where I belonged.

And then my cell phone rang at 7:12pm. It was my grandfather. Who for the past few years has been in Iraq. We'd sporadically kept in touch through the mail, but that was flimsy at best. I hadn't verbally spoken to him in years. He's back in the states and here he was, calling me on Sunday night. We talked for a good half hour. It was great. He'd called my mom and she said to not call me because I'd be at church, but he did anyway. He called me a backslider for not being there, but I look at it a bit differently. I'd been given a "no, Allison, stay put," so I did. If I hadn't I would've missed his call.

AND! One of our tech guys recorded the sermon! So I got to hear the message last night just an hour after it was spoken! I definitely missed it yesterday, but it was almost like I was there. Ok, not really. I missed my family something fierce, but I love what He did with the time I wasn't there. That Man, He's always surprising...

Bad Breath is Scary...

Last night I went to a corn maze. Of course, it was a haunted corn maze. I personally am not a big fan of being scared. It just doesn't do much for me. But Misty, Sarah and I were all maze buddies, and yes, there was a small amount of hand-holding going on...

However, before we could go through the maze, we had to stand in line. We had reservations so that was nice, but we still had a little bit of a wait. We're all standing there and this guy decides he's going to try and scare me. He's got sunglasses (its 8:30 at night), a straw hat, and a machete. He walks up behind me, leans over my shoulder, and proceeds to breath heavily into my ear. So knowing that he just wants a reaction from me, I just stand there. It might've scared me but no way was I going to let it show. Besides, the scariest thing about it was his breath. Goodness gracious. If you're going whisper into someone's ear, at least be considerate enough to eat a tic-tac. Or three of them...

When Dad Sends Butterflies...

I walked out onto my parents' patio this evening and before I could plop down into a chair, my father told me to walk to the tree in their backyard. I didn't stop to ask him why, or give him a hard time to explain why I didn't "feel" like walking to the tree. He said go to the tree and so I did.

I walk to the tree, listening to the sound of the sound of the fountain as I pass it. I'm looking into the branches, wondering if I'm supposed to see a birds' nest or something along those lines. I'm standing there under the tree and all of a sudden, my breath is taken away. Dozens of monarch butterflies come out from the tree. They were dancing and swirling in the air. It was just beautiful. All the cares and worries of the day just slipped right out and I just felt completely at peace. As I'm standing there watching them float in the air, I realize that my father reminded me of my Father in that moment.

When God tells me to go or stay, He's got a good reason. Sure I can make it tough on myself and over analyze everything. Why is He telling me to go here? Am I walking fast enough for Him? Am I on the right path? Just knitpicking it to death. When all I really need to do is to trust Him and see what kind of butterflies He's sending my way.

So this is me...walking where I'm supposed to walk, waiting for more of His butterflies...

No More Drama...

So I thought I'd post a little light-hearted fun on here. I like to laugh and be silly and since this is my blog I can talk about whatever I want to. So there. Below you will find things that make me smile, laugh, giggle, guffaw, and pretty much just dadgum grin....

God
Tommy Boy
Propitiation
Scrubs
Baby giggles
My sister
Clever, but not biting, wit
Modesty
The Ring (My church)
Blue skies
The Office (UK & US)
The Texas Flag
Bubbles
Dancing by myself in the shredder room (shhh...)
Worship
When I can make my father laugh
When mom says I've done something to please her
Rain
Puppies (that aren't mine)
Music
Love
Creation
The smell of formaldehyde
Shoes
Chinese Food (I can eat my weight in egg rolls)
Decades walking with Jesus
Sunshine
Road Trips
Gentleness
Chocolate covered strawberries
Wind through my hair
Being barefoot in the grass
Taking walks
Creation
The smell of formaldehyde
Hearing an arrow cut through the wind
Steady hearts

Stumble, stumble, take a tumble...

Today my quiet time was Matthew 28 :1-8...

1After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. 2There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. 3His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. 4The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. 5The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you." 8So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples.

My prayers have been everywhere lately. Up, down, sideways. Very sporadic. My heart is everywhere as well. Sigh.

So I read this scripture this morning wondering why He'd chosen this passage to point out today. That was 8am. It's now 9:46pm and I know exactly why He picked that one. I've highlighted the parts that jump off the page with me.

An angel tells those ladies, don't be scared. Everything is fine. Really. Their reaction? They go to tell the boys, and they're afraid. Happy, but afraid.

I can totally relate.

Betroth (part duh)

Courtney has a camera phone. I forgot we took this... And the best place in your house for lighting? That's right, your loo... Welcome to my shower folks...

Betroth You to Me Forever...

19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.
Hosea 2:19-20

Once upon a time, a beautiful friend of mine, soon to be married, asked me what I thought of this verse. My response? It's beautiful. I love that he is telling her this is how I will live my life with you and in that you will see Him in my actions...Stunning, really. Her next question? Will you read it at my wedding then? Gulp...o goodness. She said every time she read it, God told her to ask me to read it. Which is pretty amazing and I'm thrilled to be a part of their special day...

So in a few hours, 9 actually, she will become a wife. And somewhere in all that, I will read this passage. I was nervous about it, but figured, hey, just do it once at the rehearsal and you'll have done it. That way, when its game time, you can fall back on, eh, I did it yesterday, today is no problem.

Yeah, I didn't get to do it yesterday. We were all there at the rehearsal at the church, but it was agreed upon that we knew how to read so there's no need to actually run through it. I mean really, how can you mess up reading? I'm pretty sure I hid the panicked look on my face.

O, pshhh, I totally know how to read. I'm 100% confident. Ha! Uh, nope. It's more of an 80/20 confidence limit. This is my first wedding to participate in without being the cake cutter. I'm a pro at cutting cake. But being an actual part of the wedding party is a new experience for me. And new is always a bit awkward for me.

So I've made my family call me and tell me I can do this. My mom raves about my speaking voice, and my sister wants to be here today. I do have a cheering section, they are just fifteen hours away both east and west.

Plus I made a bet with a friend of mine. I gave 5 to 1 odds I'd somehow manage to mess this up...

A New Twist On An Old Woman...

The Proverbs 31 woman. She's quite something. Many a girl has aspirations to be her, or be like her. I don't fit that bill. There's no way I can be her. She's selfless, hardworking, very wifely. I'm mouthy, more lazy than I'll admit to, and am nowhere near close to wifely.

However, I'm reading this book called Sarah Laughed by Vanessa L. Ochs, Ph. D. It takes women from the bible and puts a modern day lesson to their lives and the Proverbs 31 woman is called "The Woman of Valor" in her book. Some of it is a little feminist for my taste. That's another thing I am not. I'm not a feminist. I'm old fashioned, and it still makes my eyes light up when a gentlemen holds the door for a lady. There's just something about a man with manners that will always be appealing to me.

Anyways, she quoted a bit of Esther Broner's "The Woman of Valor:"

Who can find a wise woman?
For her price is far above rubies.
Those in her house safely trust her
For she heeds the words of her children,
She works alongside her husband,
But outside the walls of her house,
Outside the gates of her garden,
She hears the cries in the city,
The cries of women in distress.
She is their rescuer.

She rises at dawn to organize.
She rises before light to make orderly the day.
She stretches out her hand to unchain
The chained woman,
The woman without recourse,
The women not paid their worth on this earth.

She taketh on the men at the gate,
The men of the law-making bodies,
The men of the Bet Din,
The Judges on high.
She looks them in the eye
and says:

This is unacceptable.
This is unjust.
This is cruel.

In her house she is praised.
In the state she is extolled.
Many women have done wisely
But she excels them all.

Yeah, I'm not her either. I was talking to someone the other day about how I see bible heroes in my friends. They asked if I saw myself in any of them. And I told them no. When my friends remind me of biblical characters its because I'm seeing them through my heart, not my eyes. And I've never flipped through and tried to find me in the Bible. I don't want an exact blueprint of my life to live by. I want to take up my cross daily, give it my all to glorify Him, and see what He does with it. The only blueprint I want to emulate is the life of Jesus. Which doesn't fit much into that poem, but I'm ok with that. He will guide my life and I will do my best to heed His calling for whatever that looks like.

The Wrath of Man...

I was reading up on the guy who killed five girls in an amish schoolhouse. The title of it was "PA Shooter Angry at God." You can check out the article here.

We've been talking about the wrath of God for the past few days. At church, then at cg last night. I don't understand His version of wrath. I can read about it and wonder, but thankfully, due to Christ dying on the cross for me, I'll never experience it. Yay propitiation! Now His discipline, yes, that I experience but that's another blog entirely...

This guy was mad, maybe even wrathful, at God because his infant daughter died. Yes, that is sad. I can't imagine losing a child. However, that doesn't warrant going to a school, taking children hostage, then shooting them and then yourself. And blaming God for your actions. I don't think so. It's called free will. You do want you want to do. I do want I want to do. We are given the choice to make those decisions and it frankly irritates me that when people do evil, they throw God's name in it to somehow justify it. Nuh-uh. Have the courage to own up to your actions and motives...

And now I'm stepping off my soapbox...

Brown Eyed Alarm Clock

A few nights ago I helped Courtney babysit. It was an overnight job so I slept in her bed with the 2 year old and she slept next to the almost 1 year old.

Courtney's bed is slightly offset so there is a space on each side. Which adds a fall-off factor to the night. I'd put a dolphin shaped pillow on the floor on his side and asked God if he rolls off the bed, please let him land on the dolphin pillow. And I go to sleep.

Around 2am he falls off the bed. I shoot over to the side expecting to hear wailing. Nope, not a peep. He landed on the dolphin pillow and was still fast asleep. Now my dilemma is how to get him back onto the bed. There's not enough space for the width of my body to fit, but plenty of room for a two year old body to roll off. I end up straddling the side of the bed with one leg and albeit a tight squeeze, I was able to grab him and put him back on the bed. Then I made a cocoon of the comforter that will hopefully keep him in while he sleeps.

He's a bit of a wiggleworm. And every time he moved I'd wake up and put an arm around him to make sure he wasn't going to roll off the bed. Which means I got zero amount of sleep. I didn't want to make him hot by keeping an arm on him so I just catnapped so I'd know when he turned.

Around 4am, his sister starts wailing at the top of her lungs. Which didn't really bother me since I was awake. Courtney would shake her crib and she'd stop crying. What's odd is that she was still asleep while she was crying.

7am comes around and I'm laying on my back, asleep (finally). I open my eyes, thinking he must have rolled off the bed again. Nope, he's awake and his little brown head is about an inch from my face and looking at me. So I smile and say good morning, is it time to wake up? "Yes." He and I then discuss that it would in fact not be time to sleep some more, it was however definitely time to get up and start the day. And that's what we did.

Gosh, just typing this makes me want to go take a nap...