I'm mad at God. Yep, I said it. And as I type this there are tears trickling down my face. The slow pathetic ones that you don't even realize are there until your shirt is drenched. You see, today I got a phone call from my sister. She's younger, prettier, and lights up a room just by walking into it. She also happens to be my best friend. And she's sick. And right now, I'm not ok with it. When we were growing up we got heavy metal poisoning from the water we drank. There was a dairy farm in our town that was dumping their waste and it got into our well. It almost killed her. My mom said that one day we'd realize the effects it had on our bodies. One of those results seems to be that I won't be an aunt.
My sister is in pain and I can't do a bloomin' thing about it. I sit here in Louisiana and she's in Florida. I asked her if I should go over there, she said no. So today we just kind of sat on the phone and whimpered. There wasn't a lot I could say. I'm an encourager and I couldn't say one thing to make her feel better. My own sister!! A perfect stranger I can build up and love on, and when my sister needs me to be strong it took all I had to not just sob there on the phone. I couldn't give her the "God has a plan in all of this". Or "in God's timing if He wants to bless you with children He will." I refused to give her some canned answer to why life just sucks big time sometimes. And that pain and heartache are not specific to the unsaved of this world. We are both Godly women. We've heard all of the cliches and the sermons. We are not new to this walk of faith. I just forget that sometimes this path hurts and I get mad at God. I push Him away and yell at Him out of frustration and pain. But deep down I know He's still holding me. And He's still holding Leanne. No matter how He chooses, in the end its all for His glory. But gosh, sometimes it hurts real bad. Especially since I can't see what He's doing. The not knowing gets me because He knows I'm a bit of a control freak. But I'm a control freak created for Him.
So if you've lasted this long with this story would you mind doing me a small favor? Could you just say a little prayer for Leanne and her fiance Louis? Her big sister would really appreciate it.
2 comments:
Father God,
I don't understand why things happen the way they do. Your word says that Your ways are not our ways and Your thoughts are not our thoughts. Father, I lift Leanne and Louis to You. Wrap Your arms around them and love them in the way that only You can. I pray that You give them eyes to see what You are doing in their lives. I pray for comfort and understanding that only You can bring. Father I pray for Allison that You would pour into her and strengthen her. Father I love You and I pray all this in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.
Amen
Having just drug myself up off the floor (literally) from a very fierce battle, Father, Your strength is made perfect in my weakness. Father, use my weakness and lend Allison, Leanne and Louis your perfected strength. Let them know without any doubt that they can trust Your heart. Let them know that You cry with them, for they are Yours.
Father, be glorified. You are so much bigger than this. When things seem the most hopeless is when You show off the greatest. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, show off, big time.
Jesus, I approach Your throne of grace with confidence, beseeching you on behalf of Allison, Leanne and Louis to reign mercy and compassion on thier lives. Father, I interceed on behalf of this family, asking you to not just work this out, not to just comfort them, but to show off, to do exceeding , abundantly far beyond anything we could ask or imagine. I ask this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord. AMEN
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