What Does Grace Look Like?

I've survived a really important weekend. Personally and professionally. My fundraiser was this past weekend. It was fine. Went without a hitch. Well, there were hitches, but no one could tell. An example would be that one of the participants didn't show up so all we had were alcoholic beverages. Probably not the best idea considering most of them you couldn't tell had alcohol in them. But everything was fine, we just put out some pitchers of water and things continued on their jolly way.

As for my responsibility, the silent auction, I had a little over four grand's worth of stuff. It definitely did not bring in that, but that's alright. I did the best job I could with the silent auction and if people don't bid, they don't bid. I can lead a horse to water but I can't make him drink.

In other exciting news, my sister came into town. I wanted her to come to the ring, and to meet all of the people who I consider my family here in Baton Rouge. She gets this shocked look on her face when I call you my family, but that's what you are. Yep, I said it.

She met pretty much everyone. There were a few of you whom I love that I couldn't get you away to meet her, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. Something always comes up. As for the ring itself, it was great. Except for the part where I almost fell asleep during the sermon. Not because of the message, it was fine. I was just so exhausted from the fundraiser that I could barely sit up. But we made it, so no harm done. Falling asleep in church is fine if you are a wee girl or a old guy. I'm neither.

So I've not talked about the title of this blog yet. It's just an idea that's been running around in my head. Especially this weekend. I had great success and great heartbreak. The success and accolades are easy to be gracious with. It's the heartbreak that has me scratching my head. How many times do I let people in and the only consistent aspect is that I get hurt? What does grace look like here? Last night part of the sermon was talking about God "illuminating" the sin in our lives. Am I so far gone that what I love has become a sin issue? How the heck did that happen? And where do I go from here?

I know no one can give me the bandaid I'm looking for. God and I will have to talk through this, and while I love you, most of it will not be mentioned in this blog. I have no problem letting you completely in and I think that's part of the problem. Ask me anything and I'll tell you, even if it makes me vulnerable.

When it comes down to it, my heart needs some protection and right now the only way I know how to do that is building walls. Which I'm completely capable of doing. It'll hurt, but not any worse than what I'm going through at the moment. Like I said, God and I need to talk about this.