Tonight at church we talked about sin. Yay sin. Sin's kind of a touchy subject. I'm not sure why. I do it. You do it. We all do it. Doesn't make it right, yet we still do it. Romans 6 was the springboard to this evening's waterworks. I say that because a lot of what was said went in one ear, straight to my heart, and cut me to shreds.
I needed to hear it. Doesn't it mean it didn't hurt any less. The gist of it, and I'm respectfully paraphrasing here, is that sin, while I recognize is a battle in my life, doesn't mean its the all-time victor. As a Christian, I'm no longer a slave to sin, I fight it with the strength of the only One who has truly overcome it. Sometimes I win, sometimes I don't. But I will never be a slave to it again. As someone who belongs to a body of believers, I fight right next to your side in your battle with sin, just as you are right next to me in my fights.
Well, I stopped fighting. One of the toughest battles I've come across in my life, I've just given up on. I just got so tired of consistently feeling one way, asking God to change it, and nothing happening. Wondering if my life mirrored the reflection of His will that I so desired it to. So I just gave in a little bit at a time. Sooner, rather than later, I've stopped fighting at all. Now its just a dull ache I've grown accustomed to. Nothing is what it seems, all shadows and mirrors where once I fully believed I was in His will.
And then tonight I was cut to the quick. It still hurts a bit, and I'm still confused by it all. I'd pick a fight if I knew what I was fighting, but I just don't anymore. The way I've been fighting feelings lately is to pretend they aren't there. And I'm not sure that's the best way to go about it. So He got all of them tonight. They weren't pretty, they weren't calm and serene, they were full of whens and whys, but that's not my problem anymore. They are His to take care of from here on out.
I needed to hear it. Doesn't it mean it didn't hurt any less. The gist of it, and I'm respectfully paraphrasing here, is that sin, while I recognize is a battle in my life, doesn't mean its the all-time victor. As a Christian, I'm no longer a slave to sin, I fight it with the strength of the only One who has truly overcome it. Sometimes I win, sometimes I don't. But I will never be a slave to it again. As someone who belongs to a body of believers, I fight right next to your side in your battle with sin, just as you are right next to me in my fights.
Well, I stopped fighting. One of the toughest battles I've come across in my life, I've just given up on. I just got so tired of consistently feeling one way, asking God to change it, and nothing happening. Wondering if my life mirrored the reflection of His will that I so desired it to. So I just gave in a little bit at a time. Sooner, rather than later, I've stopped fighting at all. Now its just a dull ache I've grown accustomed to. Nothing is what it seems, all shadows and mirrors where once I fully believed I was in His will.
And then tonight I was cut to the quick. It still hurts a bit, and I'm still confused by it all. I'd pick a fight if I knew what I was fighting, but I just don't anymore. The way I've been fighting feelings lately is to pretend they aren't there. And I'm not sure that's the best way to go about it. So He got all of them tonight. They weren't pretty, they weren't calm and serene, they were full of whens and whys, but that's not my problem anymore. They are His to take care of from here on out.
No comments:
Post a Comment