Stagefright and Limelights

Each week one of the community groups help set up for the service at my church. And each week someone from the cg talks about what God has been doing in their life. God's been buzzing in my ear each week we've had to set up. He'll gently nudge me to talk, and I'll tell Him to knock it off, I'm not doing it. And I don't. I sit back and not say anything when they ask for volunteers. The first time in cg I sat there and someone else volunteered, the second time I wasn't there. But I felt bad for blowing God off and I told Him I'd ask, if they didn't have anyone then I'd go up there. I emailed someone and was told they already had a volunteer. Therefore, I didn't. Twice.

Let me explain me to you if I may. I'll talk your ear off. Really. If you look like you're alone or need something I can offer you, dag nab it, I'm going to help you. I'll throw away rhyme and reason if I think having someone to talk to will lighten your load.

However, while I have no problem talking to you, throw me up to talking to a crowd, and my IQ drops about 75 points. I freak out. I try not to, and put up a calm cool and collected front. Nope, inside, its a twirly whirly mix of fear and vulnerability battling my confidence. Me and limelights don't mix well.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not throwing you a steaming plate of false modesty. I'm the most selfish person you've met. But the limelight is something I'm not comfortable with. I do my best to keep away from it. I'll push other people into it to avoid it. I have no qualms about focusing on you if it gets the attention off of me. I can easily brush the focus off of me right back onto you. Which might be one of the reasons I'm an adequate party planner...