Dear Reader:

Howdy.

I'm WAY more comfortable shouting to the rooftops about what God has done in my family. Certainly more so than letting you know, uh, I'm a little freaked out here and not sure what the eight step plan is to accepting my mom having cancer.

Back story...two weeks ago my mom had a biopsy done. She had a spot about the size of a pencil eraser about an inch under her left eye. She was diagnosed with stage 1 melanoma. Which is only a little bit of cancer (God is gracious), but our family is relatively healthy as a horse so it was slightly intimidating that my mom had been diagnosed with the big C. Surgery was scheduled for Oct. 3 to have the offending spot removed. Its removed by taking off one layer of skin at a time, looking at it to see if it still has cancer cells in it, and then going on to the next layer until you reach healthy skin. (I've been reading up.)

Leanne (sister) stresses that mom needs to get a 2nd opinion, but this surgeon wants her to go in for every spot and have this 4-6 hour surgery done for each spot. Needless to say, we are less than thrilled with that idea.

Leanne emails a perfect stranger, albeit Texan, who is the head cancer specialist for one of the major hospitals in west Texas. We didn't expect a reply, figuring that he's a very, very busy man. Well, lo and behold, he sure enough does, with a personal recommendation for a Dr. C. He says he's really hard to get into, but call and see if we could get her an appointment.

I call the office on Monday, praying and sweating bullets that they can get her in. I talk to a very nice woman named Tiffany, and tell her about my mom's situation and is there any way to get her in. 30 seconds go by as she flips through her appointment book. There's nothing available...And then she says wait! I can squeeze her in at 3:15 this Thursday. Again, I recognize God's handiwork in all this....

My parents live in a small town. And my dad told one of his secretaries that they were going to get a 2nd opinion with a Dr. C. She says, Dr. C? How did you get an appointment with him? We use him and he takes months to get an appointment! Once again, God shows up in this...

So Mom had her 2nd opinion appointment yesterday. Dr. C was great, he was an "old codger" but he checked out every little spot on her body and said the only one showing signs of cancer was the one that the biopsy was done on. She's got a lot of spots, but only ONE looked troublesome. (Yep, pretty positive that was God too.) Mother really liked the nurses and pretty much the whole office itself. Sigh, God is great, once again...

Dr. C is sending her to a plastic surgeon because the spot is so close to her eye and it gets kind of tricky when its close to eyeballs. Her appointment is for Oct. 10. She will not be having the surgery on Oct. 3.

As for me, I'm doing good, in a surreal kind of way. It's over. The past two weeks have been heaven and hell pretty much. Even when I thought I lost sight of Him, He remained faithful. And speaking of losing sight, I owe all of you an apology.

I have a post-it note on my computer with Gal. 6:10 on it. It says, Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

I belong with you. You are my family. Yet I've kept you somewhat at arms length through this. I'm not sure how ok you would be with me if you actually knew how much I can be a crazy, scared and selfish brat. I'm very sorry for not trusting you to walk with me through this. Please forgive me. For those of you who pushed through my hypocrisy and vulnerability to love and care for me, thanks.

And most of all, thank you to all of you for all the prayers for us. They are appreciated more than I can tell you.

Sincerely,
Allison

Old and New Miracles...

Last night I was babysitting at church. Courtney taught me how to burp a baby. You really do have to kind of smack 'em. Who knew? Certainly not me! Anyways, that's not the story I'm telling you...

When the parents started coming in, Ms. Diane said my name, and a mom turned around and said, Allison? Allison Miller? (I smile the bemused smile of, o crap, what have I done?) I nod, and reply, Yes Ma'am, that's me. She says, well, I've been wanting to meet you for some time. (Same bemused, even more befuddled look on my face... ) How's your job? Congratulations on that! I'd seen your resume going around and you just got a job so fast here in Baton Rouge, I was just amazed!

She's talking about when my old job was put in peril because of government funding. I was in the ok, God, what now? state of mind. I'd given my resume to someone and various people started looking around with me as well. Two to three weeks later, in the somewhat scary Baton Rouge job market, God led me to a great job. I've been there over three months now...It's now an old miracle, but still hasn't lost its wonder...

Now on to new miracles. I'm friends with a couple that have been trying to have a baby for going on five years now. We were talking about letting go of complete control of the situation and handing all of it over to Him. She said that she'd just gotten to the point where she gave every single bit of it over to Him.

I asked her if I could tell my community group about it. She said sure, and I promptly asked them to pray. Five DAYS later she walks in to tell me they're expecting! I'm not positive that our prayers had anything to do with it, but I am positive that God uses His timing perfectly so that we have the option to glorify Him in His surprises...

The Horse Whisperer

1As they approached Jerusalem and came to Bethphage and Bethany at the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two of his disciples, 2saying to them, "Go to the village ahead of you, and just as you enter it, you will find a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden. Untie it and bring it here. 3If anyone asks you, 'Why are you doing this?' tell him, 'The Lord needs it and will send it back here shortly.' "

4They went and found a colt outside in the street, tied at a doorway. As they untied it, 5some people standing there asked, "What are you doing, untying that colt?" 6They answered as Jesus had told them to, and the people let them go. 7When they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks over it, he sat on it. 8Many people spread their cloaks on the road, while others spread branches they had cut in the fields. 9Those who went ahead and those who followed shouted,

"Hosanna!"
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!"
10"Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David!"
"Hosanna in the highest!"

I was reading this story (Mark 11) today in my car. It's where I have my quiet time. I sit in my car in my parking lot at work. Yesterday, a coworker, gave me a hard time about it, but frankly, that don't matter a hill a' beans to me. My heart needs that quiet morning and digging into His word. It makes for a much better day than when I shrug Him off.

Anyways, so I'm reading this story and a few things stuck out at me. One, it reminds me of Easter, which is my favorite holiday, yes, Christmas is fun, but I just like Easter better. Two, He rode a colt into town. Not an old wise horse who knew the road, knew the people and other animals on the road. He chose a youngin' to bring Him.

Let me tell you a little bit about colts. Especially colts who have not been broken. Broken, or broken in, means that they have gotten used to a saddle/rider. Before they are broken in, they are referred to as green. They're skittish. They jump at the slightest surprise. They freak out when you try to just put a saddle blanket on their backs. They're not used to the weight or feel of it and it scares them. They shy away, run, or kick.

To make a colt comfortable it takes hard work, patience, and understanding. The trainer has to recognize what kind of weight or situation the horse is ready for. It could start out with just running a hand down them, and then move up to a brush, then part of the saddle blanket, the blanket itself, an empty, untied saddle, and so on until the horse is ready for its first human rider. Said rider should have catlike reflexes in case he/she needs to make a quick exit in case the horse spooks.

But not Jesus. He didn't need any of that. The colt was brought in, Jesus sat on him, and away they went into town. The story doesn't say, on the way there, the colt spooked and threw Him. I think it shows another example of Jesus' effect on everything He touched. The colt was at peace with His weight. I bet that little horse never forgot his first Rider...

My Own Book of Psalms?

I believe the Bible is God's word spoken through men. I'm in no way comparing myself to any of those dudes in the Bible...That's my disclaimer and I'm sticking to it...

me: it was just unexpected. just like all the other pure shinolah i've been blindsided with lately
God remains faithful
its just surprising the crap he's trying
Ann: it's intensified for sure
i'm proud of you
me: thanks, but i don't think you should be
Ann: why?
you're proclaiming God's faithfulness, even during a very scary season - that takes guts and it tales faith
me: and gets me slammed even harder
Ann: of course it does
me: not complaining, cuz it means i'm doing something right
Ann: exactly
me: but dang
Ann: i feel you
me: i'm now trying to shrug off self-pity and self-righteousness
i choose my steps and words hopefully wisely
Ann: i think you are doing great, from what i've seen
me: :) thanks Ann
Ann: np, love
just remember that we are meant to fight alongside one another , so when you get tired or start believing the lies, please ask for help
me: I do. its just usually Him i'm talking to
Ann: yep, but the Body is His idea... we are meant to fight one another's battles - although i will admit that some battles we have to fight by ourselves
i don't know which one this is in your case, just know that i am here and praying and would be honored to fight alongside you
me: wow. thanks!
Ann: ? for ?
me: for adding honor to my fight
Ann: no problem
although He gave it to you...
me: that fighting spirit? yep
Ann: that too, although i was talking about the honor
me: enough about me. are you blogging more about your trip?
Ann: yeah, i just posted one.
it's been harder than i thought to write about
me: i know the feeling.
i have to pick and choose and separate
the bajillion threads of life going on
then tell the story
of how God is working in it
He's working in all of them
Ann: it's hard, huh?
me: its just which ones I want to shout to the rooftops and which ones I cherish between me and Him
i pretty much use my blog as a tract. a really long, fallible tract
Ann: me too. it's nice to go back and read it, to put the dots together and see His faithfulness over time
me: i need to get some of it published. there's a program where it puts everything into a book format
Ann: that would be awesome
me: better than copying and pasting
Ann: i thought you found one a while back
me: i did but i keep writing
i need to stop
and never blog again
but my story keeps on going,
God keeps wowing me
and my fingers want to tell of
His love and care for me
more so than my mouth
Ann: and that's ok - we are writers - He made us that way
i hope you never stop blogging
me: o goodness
Ann: ?
me: what a long book that would be
maybe my blog is my own Psalms
isn't that a thought?
Ann: that's an awesome thought
me: ha. yeah
Ann: sounds like a post to me
me: right?
Ann: absolutely
me: i'll probably cut and paste from some of this conversation
Ann: that's cool

Bear Hugs and Being There...

My sister called me yesterday and we were laughing about the fact that we are a bit more crazy than usual because of our circumstances. Yeah, we're crazy, I think all females are a bit in their own charming way, but put us in a high stress situation and our crazy tips the scale a little more. We're perfectly sane when it comes to the major decisions, but we're more apt to freak out over something small lately.

On the phone yesterday, she says, Chubs (my nickname), I've just been going up and down emotionally lately. We had company over and I was looking for these Williams-Sonoma nametags and couldn't find them in the kitchen. So I'm throwing things, getting really mad that the maid put them somewhere I couldn't find them and this is my own house and I should be able to find stuff in my own house! Things are being thrown around because she can't find anything so Louis, her hubby, comes in and just wraps her in a bear hug. He says he's sorry about mom. She promptly tells him this has nothing to do with mom. This has to do with her not being able to find anything in her own house. But she knew better and so did he.

We are laughing through her story because I told her I'd quit church about three times since then. Up and down, up and down. I'm trying to keep my sanity in tact but I'm not really sure what the method is to accepting a parent having cancer. I pray a lot, apologize to my friends a lot because I think whatever has just come out of my mouth is a dealbreaker, and pray some more.

I'm amazed at God in all of this. That He's given her a husband who can recognize why she's really upset about something small and that he's her support for her through this. I don't have a husband, but I do have a community/church that is walking with me. God's provided support and encouragement for both of us, just in different ways, but with the same results...

I don't understand gentleness. I don't know how to receive it. But He's just being so delicate with all of us through this. Wow, it's amazing...