The Beginning of the End

Every story has a beginning. That was said tonight during the sermon. Where I'm at in my story, I would really like an end. It doesn't have to be a happy ending, right now I'm at the point to where I just need an end. I stopped believing in fairy tales when I began second guessing my heart. And that began slowly a few months ago and has now gotten me to the point where I don't trust my feelings anymore. They are fickle things, my feelings.

It looks like my time is up here at the Ring. I've served as much as I'm supposed to and it's time to move on. At least that is what my circumstances are telling me. As is my family. My family would like me back in Texas. Texas is safe. It's known. It appeals to me and my sense of control. I can go back there. I'd have friends, family, I could find a church I could "plug myself into."

Taking care of myself is nothing new. I've had lots of practice. My father hunts oil for a living so we moved around a lot when I was a kid. But for the most part it was always Texas. The longest place I've stayed at was three years. It was college, and even then I spent six months of that abroad in London. I can get by, I can even thrive. Me and God, we're in this together. He tells me where to go, I follow. Just me and Him, it's what I'm used to.

This will be attempt number four, maybe even five, of something trying to take me from the Ring in the span of three months. My heart is always a factor in the coercion to go. It's either my attachment to my family, or the fact that I can serve God anywhere, or even circumstances telling me that I've overstayed my welcome. There are plenty of reasons to not stay here. The one that has kept me here is that I fully believe God has me here for a reason. And yet with all the unknown swirling around me, I'm beginning to think that I've done what He has brought me here to do.

I don't know if Satan is involved in this. Unfortunately, I'm the problem most of the time. While I'd love to lay all the blame on him, I know I'm responsible. But here's the part that is throwing me. How do I know if I've completely missed the boat here? What if God's been trying to get my attention for months and I've just been so dad gummed stubborn that I just stomped my foot, tossed my curls and said, You told me to jump right in! So is He now using my family to tell me that it's time to move on?

I'm treading carefully here. I'm not a rash decision kind of girl. On the plus side, I'd still write on my blog, Texas has computers there too. Ha ha.