What to do with 26?

tomorrow i will turn 26. the big two six. i don't really know that means. i don't have big plans. probably a quiet evening at home. in fact, both of my roomies will be gone tuesday. one's loving on some kids at camp and the others loving on some kids up the road overnight.

i will go to work, and probably work through lunch cuz i saw court off to camp today...then maybe a run, and a table for one at pfchangs. and no i'm not telling them its my birthday.

i know people who see birthdays as a promise of the year ahead. (courtney.) what will happen, what won't. i look more back than ahead. have i accomplished anything? was my year spent wisely or unwisely?

do you ever have those moments when you're kind of like, hm, i really didn't see my life like this when i was little. no doldrums here. its been a good year. some parts hard, and the parts that make the hard parts more than worth it.

so lets take a look back at 25 for me. i've moved, but not back to texas. i'm employed, no buts there. i get to tell children stories and minus the shaky knees, i love it. i like baking in my kitchen. i know my heart most of the time. i'm single, but love fills every aspect of my friendships. i'm surprisingly ok with nesting. i will fight for everything i think you deserve. i love when kids want to play with me. i saw fatty in florida this year. i still blush. my brother in law finally got to see the real me. my church is a priority in my life. i've realized its not a bad thing to want to care for people. i found out my temper flares when i see something wrong. i try not to take myself so seriously anymore. i am still afraid of getting it wrong. i expect God's best for the ones i love. i still get shy sometimes. i love to laugh and dance around in my house when no one is home...

its been a great year! i know He's blessed me at 25. who knows what He'll do with 26?

More Party Pictures

He likes my cookies!

Tonight I baked cookies for my birthday party tomorrow. Its a Christmas in July party. I'm Santa, which means since its in reverse, Santa sets out cookies and the "kids" bring Santa presents....

As I was pulling my last batch out of the oven, Courtney brought Blaine home. He had a picnic in our kitchen with Courtney. The sugar cookies need to be iced and sprinkled, but I needed to wait for them to cool. In the meantime, I needed a quality control test and figured the one year old on my kitchen floor would work. So I threw a little icing on it, added some sprinkles and stood back and watched the action...

This is his first bite...

This was him replying to whatever Courtney asked him about...

This is Courtney holding the cookie in her hand
and him reaching for it with his mouth...

This is what Blaine looks like after one of my cookies...

Primary Care Giver

Yesterday I had the privilege/challenge of being the primary caregiver of a two year old boy and a four year old girl. It was only 7 hours, but at some moments it felt like the longest times of my life.

I don't have a vast majority of experience with children. I've been getting more experience since moving to BR, but I'm still learning. Things I learned yesterday that exemplify my fledgling mom skills:

• I freak out when my car computer tells me that the passenger side door is open driving down drusilla. the two year old in his carseat behind me has somehow played with the lock and handle simultaneously and managed to get the door open enough for the sensor to go off.

• Kids come with so much stuff. Especially wee little ones. Carseats, booster seats, diaper bags. I thought, do they really need all this? But then I was incredibly thankful for the wipes in that diaper bag when I had to change a pull up.

• They say anything that comes to mind. Whether its comments or questions. Comments like you're not a mommy cuz you don't have a fat belly. And questions. Lots and lots and lots of questions...

• They like to cuddle when they have just bonked heads with someone in the playpen, or when they are tired.

• They don't really care that you're tired. Especially when they want to run around like banshees...
  

So that was my day with the kids. Last night after church I was about to drop. I didn't have time to eat much all day so was getting the shakes and a headache. Which just means my blood sugar was getting low. My roomies go out to eat, I go home. Turn my phone on from silent and read a text message saying my tire is low. Sigh. I get back in the car, exhausted, and go up to a gas station on the corner. I know I don't have a tire gauge for my car, so I'm going to have to eyeball it.

I pull up to the hose and its out of order. I might have started tearing up. I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I don't really know what I'm doing with my tires. Anyone in BR I could call was at church or on their way to eat. Chin up allison.

I drive further up to a chevron station. There is a guy there airing up his tires. I get out, take the cap off my tire and wait for him to get done. He says, the hose isn't going to reach. Oh, ok. He tells me to back in. Ok, great! I think please help me do this. Please please. I back up, and turn around to see him drive off. Sigh. Awesome.

Moral of the story? I need to learn how to take care of my tires and I'm not positive I'll be a good mom. I had no idea what I was doing. In both cases.

Parent Lingo

i just had a visit from a toddler and a 4 year old. they came by my office to see me. and i'm taking them to the zoo sunday. they were telling me that they had gone to the zoo a few weeks ago when they were visiting their grandma. and that grandma had gotten nicholas a soccer ball. "but we couldn't throw it in the house." that's right, no playing ball in the house.

wait. did i really just say, no playing ball in the house?! it just rolled off my tongue without even crossing my mind.

i'm subconsciously learning parent lingo.

Brownies & Braveheart...

I'm sitting here trying to not lean in the direction of my kitchen. Braveheart is on my tv. And there's a pan of brownies in the exact center of my oven. I'm calm. Everything is fine. The timer is on and will tell me when they are done...

The kids at my church are going to camp and tomorrow is their fundraiser. BBQ chicken. Yum. Having gotten to the point where I actually once again am a functioning member of soceity, this was my first time to check my email in a few days. Among my emails was one about this weekend. They needed help seasoning chicken and baking brownies. Seasoning chicken I couldn't do because I was already sneezing enough as the aftereffects of strep, but I could give it a shot with brownies.

Sigh. Baking. Almost like cooking, but with sweeter results. I'd been told what to bake so that part was done. Now I just follow through with the rest. Went to the store, bought the things I needed, including a brownie pan.

Game face. I wash the new pan, get everything out of the bags, and start reading the box. I also get out my cell phone, knowing I would call two people if I needed help. One is Fatty. She is a marvelous cook. Growing up, she and my Dad would cook in the kitchen, I would clean it. The second is my father. Called Dad with my first problem. The temperature setting. It says 350 for a metal pan or 325 for a dark or coated pan. Welllll. The pan I just bought is a metal coated pan. What the mess?! Call Dad, of course he's wonderful. He knows I'm not the most confident in the kitchen unless I'm cleaning it, so he listens and then gives his wisdom.

I told him to keep his cell by him. I have four boxes so its going to be a long night. OH! The one-minute timer just went off! I really hope they are edible...

Are you kidding me?!

It's 11:11am on a weekday. I'm in bed. And its driving me batty. Yesterday I got sent to the doctor by my office. My eyes were red and I had a fever. I call my doctor and ask for the first available appointment. They had one in twenty minutes if I could make it.

I go over there, a little paperwork later, a few minutes with the doctor, temperature of 102, and I'm left with the result. It's either strep throat or mononucleosis. She gave me a prescription for strep and said if I break out with a rash, its mono. Wonderful.

Well, I have ZERO time for this. Seriously. I drop off my prescription, then head back to the office. It's 4pm. I've got something I need to finish before the end of the day, then I need to go babysit at 6pm.

I complete an online order for some soup before I leave my office. At 10 till 5, the sky opens up and its pouring buckets. Sigh. Doesn't matter, I have to go pick up my prescription, and then go babysit. The streets were already flooding so traffic tripled my travel time. I made it to the church about ten minutes late, but I was there. I'd already decided that I was going to have to tell the parents I was sick and feverish. I refuse to put those little ones in my hands knowing I was contagious without their parents being aware of it.

The lady I help was there when I walked in. She took one look at me and told me to go home. She said I was pale, more pale than usual, and I should leave. So now I was left with not wanting to leave her by herself and not wanting to get the kids sick. In the end, I went home. But I wasn't happy about it.

Wake up this morning, and I'm burning up. Ugh. I'm achy, and every once in a while, I shiver myself awake from the stupor I'm in. And now I'm bored. Hence this post. I can't rest cuz I'm thinking about all the stuff I need to do, and I can't do anything cuz whether I want to or not, I'm physically not able to do it.

My First Diaper Change!

So yesterday was Tuesday. Which meant I was babysitting. Except there were a whole lot more of them. I had three under the age of two and 8 older ones. A last minute 'please come help me I can't do this alone' came through, so that was wonderful. While last night was a bit crazy, a few things are noteworthy.

First, I changed my first diaper! The wee one I'm talking about usually gets changed right before her parents get there to take her home to bed. And she hates having her diaper changed. Wails like its the roughest thing on earth to get your tush clean. I'd been mentally gearing up for this all night. I knew she was going to pout and while I was sorry for that, she was not leaving that room without a fresh diaper.

Ok, game face on, its go time. I pick her up. I'd already prepped the changing table with wipes, a glove, and a few cookies in case of emergency. I lay her down and after she realizes what is happening, starts yelling. At this point I'm fighting with her bloomers and kind of treating this like a nascar pit stop. Be fast and efficient and get it over and done with. She's wailing so I just start talking to her. Not in a 'stop that right now tone of voice', but a soft, gentle, I know you don't like this but I'm right here and we'll get through this together tone of voice. I pretty much use the same technique with spooked horses. Soft tone, no jerky movements, calm, serene. And it worked! If I kept talking to her she was distracted enough to not yell. And the most surprising bit of all was that the diaper stayed on her. It didn't fall off!

I also realized that I have a favorite that I babysit. His name is Christian and he's cute as a button. He's 5 and he's a little brown-haired green eyed boy that tugs on my heartstrings. He's very polite and has some of the funniest tones of voice. Like when he's surprised. He says stuff like "wow, I can't believe that that just happened." He seriously cracks me up. And he's a fantastic listener, and he shares with the other kids. Gosh I could go on forever about what a good little boy he is.

I'm thankful that God lets me love these wee ones. He gives me opportunities to love on people daily and I hope I take advantage of all of them. I'd hate to miss an opportunity to love. But I'm gonna need to stop babysitting pretty soon. Otherwise I'm going to continue falling in love with those little ones. Which will lead me to wonder about my children. If I'll have any, what they would be like, look like, if I'll be young enough to run around with them, etc. Its a fear of mine that dreams about children don't glorify Him so I try to avoid anything that encourages that. Sigh, that's by far one of my most vulnerable slippery slopes. In the meantime, I'm surrounded by children, and my heart is light just being near them...

Baby Laughing...

I babysat tonight. One of them was a 13 month old little girl. She doesn't walk too well, but she and I hang out on Tuesday nights.

We start out with feed/water time. I make sure everyone has snacks, then sit down to feed her. It's frankly hilarious. We both end up with food on us. And the only way I know how to tell if she is done is the way she won't open her mouth like a little bird when I put the spoon in the general area of her mouth.

Today I made her laugh. Which surprised me more than her I think. She was sticking out her belly so I poked at her. She looked at me with her baby blues and giggled. I tried it again and she straight up laughed.

I've never made a baby laugh before, but in that moment, I felt like I could fly to the moon...

Practice Mom...

Last night I had my first baby to take care of. His name was Julian, and he was ten months old. There was also Kaylie, who was 6. Kaylie I'd babysit before. I definitely regress into a younger girl when I'm playing with her...

That being said, I don't play pretend mom. I don't let myself think like that. Yes, I will totally care for others' children. And yeah, I will have fun with them. However, I don't let my mind wander about if my children will have my curls and their fathers' eyes. Its just not something I let whisper hope into my heart...

And then last night I got to care for a baby and a 6 year old at the same time. Julian is a wiggle worm and can't walk yet. So he'll reach up for me to be held. I'm not up on baby cues but when he totters over to me, grabs my pant leg and reaches up for me, I figure that means he wants to be held. I pick him up, then he starts wiggling like he wants down. So I try to put him down, but he clutches my shirt when I set him on the floor... Meanwhile, Kaylie was giving commands as opposed to please and thank you so she and I worked on our manners while she was with me...

I help babysit with another lady. She's got kids, even grandkids, so she's an experienced mom. I'm struggling with Julian asking her what he wants. She says, Its always a guessing game. It gets easier when you have your own because you learn what they want or need. You need to get used to this, you'll be doing it one day...

A few hours later, Kaylie and I are dancing in the nursery. Julian likes music and he'll bob to a tune. So we kept music on all night. After spinning around with her, I needed to catch my breath. I mutter something to Ms. D about being too old for this. Meanwhile, Kaylie says something to me about if I'm waiting for my dancing partner, but I miss it and ask her to say it again. She looks at me calm as you please and says, "Are you waiting for your mate?" Which promptly made Ms. D bust out laughing... I'm not sure if she was laughing at what Kaylie had just said or the look on my face after Kaylie said that...

Little Girls and Little Doors..

Tonight I played with a six year old girl. We colored, played with play-doh, had a tea party, crawled through a front door, and of course had snacks. It was fun. The following should give you some idea of how I spend my tuesday nights...

First, it was coloring time. We colored pictures. Mine was a circle that was supposed to be a sun, but thanks to her imagination turned into a sun princess. I thought it was a very respectable bow I'd drawn in her hair, but apparently it resembled more of a crown than a bow. And hey, a bow is a total downgrade from a crown anyway...

Then it was on to play-doh. We made pizzas. Then I got bored with pizza and proceeded to show how big of a nerd I am and made a sheepdog...

After play-doh, it was tea time. I was the daughter, and I was drinking imaginary milk, then imaginary coke. A deadly combination in case you were wondering. We were sitting there at the table and she said, You say the pledge. It took me a second and then it hit me. Oh! You mean we are going to say grace? She looks at me like I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box and says, No, we're talking to God so we're going to say the pledge. So instead of trying to explain the difference, I said ok, bow your head and close your eyes. (I've never prayed with a little girl before. Over imaginary tea or otherwise. I've been a little girl who has prayed, but this was a first for me tonight. It was nice and that's all I'm going to say about that.)

So I say the "pledge", then we have tea. Then its on to cleaning up because her mom was about to get there. After cleaning up, she started playing with this doorpost thing. Its kind of hard to explain. When I was little, I played outside with a tractor tire swing right outside the vineyard. Apparently toys have gotten more complex. This was a little plastic door frame that looked like the outside of a house on one side and the inside of the house on the other. It made noises and had switches to switch, buttons to push and unfortunately, a door to crawl through. After about 3.2 minutes of her playing with this, she says, Come knock on the door. (Ok, what happens when you knock on a door? Someone says, Come in. And you proceed to come in. Its the coming in I was worried about. Of the two of us babysitting, I'm the closest in age and size to her...) Back to the six year old command of, Come knock on the door! Sigh... Ok. I ring the doorbell. I'm met with the girly lilt of Come in! Crap. I'm going to get my derrière stuck in this door. So I hunker down and start crawling through this door. Thinking at any minute, something will catch. Whether its my shoulder, my knee, etc. Low and behold, I made it through. Which means next week, I'll probably be once again crawling through tiny doors.

I forgot how fun it was to be a little girl...