We are going through a bit of a cancer thing with my mom. I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. I think as a girl, or maybe its just me, talking about it gives me affirmation that while yes, we are going through this, God is still faithful.
We found out Friday morning. Stage 1 melanoma. Which is just a teensy weensy bit of cancer. Certainly nothing God can't handle. I'm stubborn as all get out, and the rest of my family is the same. We're getting a second opinion to see if its spread all over or if its localized. She's scheduled for surgery Oct. 3, but that depends on what doc number two says.
Now I'm in the weird awkward phase of belonging to a community where I don't know what I'm feeling a lot of the time, and they don't really know how to ask me. It's quite a pickle.
The infuriating thing is watching how Satan is "arrogantly throwing things at me." That's what one of my friends told me today in an email. I was telling her that it was odd last night sitting there in a congregation of hundreds and having a whisper point out that the total number of people who've checked on her is less than the fingers on one hand.
It's scary to recognize evil when I'm sitting in the one place that I feel safest. I feel like he's a trespasser and shouldn't be anywhere around near the ground where I meet with the Almighty. And he didn't pounce on me. It wasn't a huge clanging symbol, just a sentence that took hold in my head. He twists things. I'm not new to fighting but I am new to him trying to get at me at every single turn. He's starting to frankly piss me off and he needs to freagin' back off before I tell God on him. Maybe that's one of the lessons I need to be learning through this. Tattle as often as possible to Him.
I don't want to only talk about my mom all the time, but at least asking about her reaffirms my theory that you care. And yes, much to my shame, I've guilted people into listening to what's going on in my life. (Ouch. That's humbling.)
In all of this God's been great. More than great. Yeah, parts of this have sucked. Getting an ever so gentle yes instead of the resounding NO I was hoping for has been interesting. Fighting to keep my trust in Him while I'm getting slammed has been exhausting but great exercise, and having friends tell me they'll help me move back to the promised land has been both funny and kind.
This experience is something that is stretching me and my fledgling faith, opening my eyes to the community and family I'm a part of, the heart that beats within me, and the God who has complete and sweet control over all of it.
Sure I'll piss and moan about it, but I wouldn't trade walking through this with Him for the world!!!!
We found out Friday morning. Stage 1 melanoma. Which is just a teensy weensy bit of cancer. Certainly nothing God can't handle. I'm stubborn as all get out, and the rest of my family is the same. We're getting a second opinion to see if its spread all over or if its localized. She's scheduled for surgery Oct. 3, but that depends on what doc number two says.
Now I'm in the weird awkward phase of belonging to a community where I don't know what I'm feeling a lot of the time, and they don't really know how to ask me. It's quite a pickle.
The infuriating thing is watching how Satan is "arrogantly throwing things at me." That's what one of my friends told me today in an email. I was telling her that it was odd last night sitting there in a congregation of hundreds and having a whisper point out that the total number of people who've checked on her is less than the fingers on one hand.
It's scary to recognize evil when I'm sitting in the one place that I feel safest. I feel like he's a trespasser and shouldn't be anywhere around near the ground where I meet with the Almighty. And he didn't pounce on me. It wasn't a huge clanging symbol, just a sentence that took hold in my head. He twists things. I'm not new to fighting but I am new to him trying to get at me at every single turn. He's starting to frankly piss me off and he needs to freagin' back off before I tell God on him. Maybe that's one of the lessons I need to be learning through this. Tattle as often as possible to Him.
I don't want to only talk about my mom all the time, but at least asking about her reaffirms my theory that you care. And yes, much to my shame, I've guilted people into listening to what's going on in my life. (Ouch. That's humbling.)
In all of this God's been great. More than great. Yeah, parts of this have sucked. Getting an ever so gentle yes instead of the resounding NO I was hoping for has been interesting. Fighting to keep my trust in Him while I'm getting slammed has been exhausting but great exercise, and having friends tell me they'll help me move back to the promised land has been both funny and kind.
This experience is something that is stretching me and my fledgling faith, opening my eyes to the community and family I'm a part of, the heart that beats within me, and the God who has complete and sweet control over all of it.
Sure I'll piss and moan about it, but I wouldn't trade walking through this with Him for the world!!!!
1 comment:
I know. I wasn't fishing... Thank you Leslie, truly.
I'm amazed at the crap being thrown at me, and the way He's still there even when I'm not understanding His ways. I'm doing my darndest to trust Him, even though I'm shaky sometimes...
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