This whole developing a thick skin is harder than I expected it to be. I am not too good at it. In this whole process though I'm learning a bunch of things. About me, about how I react to life in general.
Its been a rough couple of days. I fail. A lot actually. You'd think I'd get better at it as time goes by. Nope. I hate it. Or I'm foolish. Or my hair won't behave. Or I get stressed from work, or church, or family, or home. Pick an Or. I think character is built in these Ors. When I can't be who I want to be, when I'm not enough, when the wisest thing I can do is shut my mouth, close my eyes and breathe.
My roomie and I are going through situations that are completely different but have the same results. There are parts of my life that I wouldn't trade for the world, I just go through moments of, Hey God, It's me, Allison. You're sure about keeping me here? I'm definitely trying to trust and obey, but my life doesn't look like I thought it would when I was younger.
My roomie asked what responsibilities were keeping me here in Baton Rouge. My response was that I don't consider love a responsibility. Its true. I don't mind one bit running around taking advantage of the opportunities to love that He's given me. Sometimes I rock at it, sometimes I fail at it. But His mercies are renewed daily so that gives me the courage to keep trying.
I don't mean this post to be whiny or pitiful. Yes, I get tired. I screw up. I'm fallible. I'm wrong more often than I am right. And yet God's grace, mercy, love, and chin up encouragement is always there itching to wrap me up in Him. I know He's taking care of me, even when I'm not so good at taking care of myself. I truly hated coming home to a dark empty house yesterday. It just adds the color of sad to my heart for a little bit. I think this world tries to toughen you up so much you forget that its perfectly fine to hurt a little sometimes. Its what you do with that hurt that helps shape you...
He's still in control of my wacky world. He will work everything according to His plan. I recognize that I mess up a lot, but that I do not have the power, authority, or skill to mess up His will for my life. Now that's truly amazing and is comforting all the way down to my toes...
Its been a rough couple of days. I fail. A lot actually. You'd think I'd get better at it as time goes by. Nope. I hate it. Or I'm foolish. Or my hair won't behave. Or I get stressed from work, or church, or family, or home. Pick an Or. I think character is built in these Ors. When I can't be who I want to be, when I'm not enough, when the wisest thing I can do is shut my mouth, close my eyes and breathe.
My roomie and I are going through situations that are completely different but have the same results. There are parts of my life that I wouldn't trade for the world, I just go through moments of, Hey God, It's me, Allison. You're sure about keeping me here? I'm definitely trying to trust and obey, but my life doesn't look like I thought it would when I was younger.
My roomie asked what responsibilities were keeping me here in Baton Rouge. My response was that I don't consider love a responsibility. Its true. I don't mind one bit running around taking advantage of the opportunities to love that He's given me. Sometimes I rock at it, sometimes I fail at it. But His mercies are renewed daily so that gives me the courage to keep trying.
I don't mean this post to be whiny or pitiful. Yes, I get tired. I screw up. I'm fallible. I'm wrong more often than I am right. And yet God's grace, mercy, love, and chin up encouragement is always there itching to wrap me up in Him. I know He's taking care of me, even when I'm not so good at taking care of myself. I truly hated coming home to a dark empty house yesterday. It just adds the color of sad to my heart for a little bit. I think this world tries to toughen you up so much you forget that its perfectly fine to hurt a little sometimes. Its what you do with that hurt that helps shape you...
He's still in control of my wacky world. He will work everything according to His plan. I recognize that I mess up a lot, but that I do not have the power, authority, or skill to mess up His will for my life. Now that's truly amazing and is comforting all the way down to my toes...
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