The Silent Treatment...

I'm a big fan of music. I don't know the first thing about it, but boy it can just grab my attention and sweep me away. I think that's really cool...Lately I've unconsciously played songs that give me a little bit of a breather from the wear you out, straight up muck and mire you sometimes find yourself in. I guess the correct sunday school terminology is that I'm in a "valley" and the only way to get out of it is keep walking. Blegh. This valley I've been to often. I should have like a million frequent flier miles from visiting...

Don't get me wrong, my life is not doom and gloom. I'm loved. I laugh. I still thoroughly enjoy loving you. I'll stand at your side and cheer you on if given the opportunity. I'm just battle-weary at the moment. It will pass. In the meantime I try to walk, usually stumbling, until I'm out of it. I'm a little beat up but no worse for wear.

As usual, I want escape. A plan. A neon sign. A railroad tie. A smack upside the head. A hug. Something to let me know I'm headed in the right direction. Right now I'm winging it. I hate winging anything. Oddly enough, I'll encourage you in a heartbeat and not think twice about it. But when it comes to living my life, I will over analyze it till I'm so confused I'm not doing any moving at all. Its a very clever trick I am learning to recognize as a way to keep me chasing my tail.

So far I'm at...nothing. I think I'm supposed to rest? I'm truly horrendous at rest. It bugs me. Give me something to do. Someone to love, something to take care of, something to keep me busy. Unfortunately, He's not saying a word. Which means I should be trusting Him in His silence, not fighting with myself trying to figure out why He's not talking to me. Growing up, the only way I knew someone was upset was by silence. Silence meant I'd done something wrong and therefore needed to take steps to mend the relationship I'd broken. So when silence is the reaction I get from anyone, including God, my mind immediately goes into figuring out what I've done wrong. It's how I've been trained...

If you take a look at my ipod, here's what you would find:

Always Love You (Nicole C. Mullen)
Stand in the Rain (Superchick)
Made to Worship (Chris Tomlin)
Never Alone (BarlowGirl)
Falling (Pocket Full of Rocks)
Sleep (Plumb)
Hungry (Wow Worship)
You're Everything (David Crowder Band)
For the Sake of the Call (Steven Curtis Chapman)
Made to Love (Toby Mac)

And a few others I can't think of at the moment. I think He uses lots of things to gently hold you and take care of you. I think He adds His magic to the random everyday things of life. I love that He does that. Even when He's not talking to me...

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.