My Role at RCC

The "worst kept secret in town" is out. The Ring is becoming a church. Slowly. And we're all pretty excited about it. Some of us are as giddy as a kid in a candy store. Others are too cool to show how topsy-turvy excited they are. At the Elder Q and A session they had Sunday night, I almost panicked. After the questions about very adult things like membership classes, pastor salaries, and church discipline, I realized that this is actually a big deal. It'll ask a lot of me. Time, effort, patience, money, love, faith, and a whole lot of prayer. I need to decide if I'm still as committed to the Ring as a church as I was when it wasn't.

Last night I had dinner with a friend of mine at Outback. On a sidenote, the quickest way to my heart would involve Chinese or a great steak. Outback is one of the few places in Baton Rouge that I deem worthy enough to order a steak. It in no way compares to one of my Dad's Texas T-bones hot of the grill, but oh well. So we were giggling about how great it was that the Ring Community Church is going to happen, when she asked me a question that I didn't have a witty answer to. "What do you see your role in the church being?" Me? I don't know. There are a few people who already have an idea of what they want to do or be involved in when it comes to the church. Me, not so much. Right now, all I really do is smile a lot and play with the words on the screen during worship and the sermon. And even that I don't really do well. One of these days the higher ups will realize that I'm learning as I go and half the time, I'm flying by the seat of my pants.

So what's my role? Sheesh, you're totally asking the wrong person. My sister, for instance, is amazing with prayer. She can pray down heaven. It's wonderful. I'm great at acting a fool praising God in my truck. Or playing devil's advocate in theological discussions to push people into standing up for what they believe. Or recognizing the spiritual gifts in others. I can do that. Recently, in the past 3ish or so years, I've grown into the role of encourager. I love doing that. Oh and serving. I love giving of myself to others to point people to my God. It doesn't matter whom. I just see it as a chance to glorify God in my actions. I'm ok with not knowing my role in the new church just yet. I know God's got a plan for me no matter what, and I do love His surprises.....

7 Year Olds Pack a Punch

So I got taken out by a 7 year old. Yeah, it kind of hurts my pride a wee bit. I've been volunteering at a shelter for the past month now and love every minute of it. Even the rainy days which are crazy because the little ones run around like banshees when we have to take them inside. The kids have found a new game they like to play. Its called jump on someone's back unexpectedly. Now, this game is fine if you are a strong dude who can take it. We have a fabulous bunch of men who volunteer. They have good hearts and you can tell because they are gentle with the little ones and can rough house with the bigger boys. I'm great at cuddling and loving on them. Not so much with the rough housing. After a few days of them jumping on me my ribs were a little sore. Ok, I knew I had a day off coming up so I'd just take it easy. Turns out that a few volunteers were sick or couldn't come so I decided to come on my day off. I made it through the day, and then the last 20 minutes or so a 7 year old was crying about a toy she wanted to play with. So I picked her up and hugged her until she started giggling. Well, then she decided that I was lots of fun and didn't want to get down, so she locks her legs. Ok, fine. I'll just tell her to let go. She doesn't want to. So then begins a battle of getting her off me without hurting her or myself. An older kid decides to help me out. So he starts tugging on her. When he jerks her, she locks her legs around my ribcage. So he then jerks harder. I try not to scream in pain and get her off me at the same time. Finally she lets go.

Four x-rays and a few bruised ribs later and I'm taking a few days off from volunteering. Is it a bad sign that things pop when I laugh?

When I Get Mad at God

I'm mad at God. Yep, I said it. And as I type this there are tears trickling down my face. The slow pathetic ones that you don't even realize are there until your shirt is drenched. You see, today I got a phone call from my sister. She's younger, prettier, and lights up a room just by walking into it. She also happens to be my best friend. And she's sick. And right now, I'm not ok with it. When we were growing up we got heavy metal poisoning from the water we drank. There was a dairy farm in our town that was dumping their waste and it got into our well. It almost killed her. My mom said that one day we'd realize the effects it had on our bodies. One of those results seems to be that I won't be an aunt.

My sister is in pain and I can't do a bloomin' thing about it. I sit here in Louisiana and she's in Florida. I asked her if I should go over there, she said no. So today we just kind of sat on the phone and whimpered. There wasn't a lot I could say. I'm an encourager and I couldn't say one thing to make her feel better. My own sister!! A perfect stranger I can build up and love on, and when my sister needs me to be strong it took all I had to not just sob there on the phone. I couldn't give her the "God has a plan in all of this". Or "in God's timing if He wants to bless you with children He will." I refused to give her some canned answer to why life just sucks big time sometimes. And that pain and heartache are not specific to the unsaved of this world. We are both Godly women. We've heard all of the cliches and the sermons. We are not new to this walk of faith. I just forget that sometimes this path hurts and I get mad at God. I push Him away and yell at Him out of frustration and pain. But deep down I know He's still holding me. And He's still holding Leanne. No matter how He chooses, in the end its all for His glory. But gosh, sometimes it hurts real bad. Especially since I can't see what He's doing. The not knowing gets me because He knows I'm a bit of a control freak. But I'm a control freak created for Him.

So if you've lasted this long with this story would you mind doing me a small favor? Could you just say a little prayer for Leanne and her fiance Louis? Her big sister would really appreciate it.

Finally, My First Kiss!!

He's short, sweet, and makes me giggle constantly. And he kissed me yesterday!! Ok, ok, so he's one of the kids from the shelter where I've been volunteering. And the kiss consisted of him putting his little hands on my face and kissing my cheeks. So I still haven't had my fist kiss, but that's a completely different story. The moral of this story is that service is one of the greatest opportunities God has given each one of us. I came upon this epiphany today as I was riding back from Slidell. The community group I'm in has psuedo-adopted this couple who were completely impacted by Katrina. So this was Saturday number two of us helping out them and their neighbors. We moved stuff, threw stuff out, tried not to yack because of the smell of mold and even did a little landscaping since Katrina felt the need to throw trees around like matchsticks. Anyways, on the way back home I was looking at the clouds grinning at how creative God is, thanking Him for His graciousness in giving me the chance to glorify Him through serving others and it hit me like a ton of bricks. He's given me the honor to serve people. In fact, He's given it to all of us. Do you realize that offering help, a little cash, or even just a smile have the power to impact lives? We all have the capability to be Jesus to someone. More often than not, God places people in our paths where the only thing we need to do is point them to Him. That doesn't mean that everyone is called to be a preacher or a children's minister. But you never know how God will use the actions of one to impact many. So when God asks you to serve someone, what will be your answer?

My Sword is Dragging...

This past week has been rough on me. I'm not sure why. My days consisted of work, then going to volunteer at a shelter, then going to bed. Doesn't sound terrifying, but it was. Here's why. I've had a nightmare every night that week. That's not a big deal until I give a bit of family history. Ok, I don't dream a lot. If I have a nightmare, its usually the Holy Spirit telling me that something is about to happen that I need to be ready for. And its never happy stuff. Or lotto numbers. Its just God giving me a heads up, this might hurt a bit and you need to be ready. Its like that with all the women in my family. We get a spiritual pinch once in a while. Alright, enough history.

So I'm having these nightmares. Not like I was giving a speech in front of the class naked nightmares. These were serious, I wake up terrified at 3am and can't get back to sleep because of them nightmares. I remember all of them. Here's the Cliff notes version of a few of them:

Nightmare #1
I was at a home that I knew was mine but had never been to before in real life, and there was this guy there who I knew wasn't supposed to be there. He knew it too. So I went upstairs to figure out how to get him out of my house. I needed someone or something to help me get him out, but help wasn't coming. When I went back downstairs I just looked at him. And although he didn't "say" anything to me, I got the distinct impression that he was there to get me. It was only a matter of time and I needed to accept that fact that he was going to win. At this point I wake up, a little in shock that it was so real. And then I start praying.....

Nightmare #2
I'm in a white truck, might have been mine (yes, I drive a truck, but am still very much a girl), but I wasn't driving. I was in the passenger side. I'd been in some type of accident and I couldn't see. I start yelling for someone to help me. I'm wimpering and trying to find the door handle. I'm not in physical pain but I'm starting to panic. All of the sudden I'm out of the truck. I know my friends are there. I can't see them, but I can feel their presence. I'm grasping out to them, straining to just touch them. Calling out to whomever is there to just come a little bit closer so I can feel them. They don't move. They stay just out of my reach. At this point, I wake up with tears streaming down my face. And then I start praying.....

Nightmare #3
This was the scariest one. I guess because of its simplicity. It was me and that guy from the first nightmare. Nothing around us. Just me and him. And he's staring at me with eyes that turn my blood cold. I know I'm supposed to fight him. I can feel it, but I'm dragging. The only thought I have in my mind at the time is that if this guy is representative of who I think it is, he can't have me because I belong to Another. The guy gets closer and closer to me and I'm so scared. Terrified. At the point where I physically can't take any more, I wake up. My heart is racing and I've lost half my body weight in sweat. And then I start praying.....

Ok, I think you get the idea. Bad dreams. I'd prayed after every nightmare and it wasn't the magical bandaid it was supposed to be. I didn't fall asleep into a gentle peaceful slumber. I didn't think of pink unicorns and fluffy bunnies. I was scared and I stayed awake until it was time to go to my office to work and then volunteer for a couple hours a day. I would pray every night and read my bible before I went to sleep and ask that God would protect me from whatever was going on. And I think He did. Every time I walked through it, God was faithful to bring me out of it. Was I worried? Scared? Wondering what was going on? Heck yes I was!! I contacted friends and family to see if everything was alright. And I still had nightmares. And then saturday night, I asked God if He could just snuggle in with me so I could sleep and then eight hours later I woke up. I know I slept in His arms that night. It was wonderful. I think He said enough is enough and drew the line.

So here's my theory about the nightmares. I think I'm doing what God has called me to do. Serve and love others. And I think I'm pissing off the underlings. I know that not everything is an attack by Satan. But I was thinking about it yesterday. You know that Satan has to ask permission to mess with us? He had ask God if he could mess with Job back in the day and he still has to play by God's rules. So am I becoming a threat? Does Satan see me as an adversary he needs to knock out? I honestly don't know. I don't think I'm some spiritual giant. I'm not a preacher telling the world about God. I'm just trying to live a life that glorifies God. And I'm not new to spiritual battle. I know that I fight spiritually and sometimes my sword drags in the sand. Not because my heart is not in it, I'm just physically and mentally exhausted from the physical world. And Satan is dumb enough to think that just because I'm weary and tired, I can be had. Sure, I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box, but I'm the daughter of the One who made the box. And sometimes when I'm too weak to fight, He takes over and fights for me.

Watching the Body Work

Sunday night at the Ring was really cool. No, really. We sent Amy and Leslie off to Africa. It's kind of funny because growing up in church, I'd always heard about boys going off to be missionaries and they all were going to Africa. I'm not sure why it was Africa. Apparently the "unsaved and unchurched" only resided in Africa. Good grief. The ridiculous notions I thought were truths when I was young.

Anyways, so Amy and Leslie are going to teach English to kids. More importantly they are going to serve and show people God in the way that they live and act. I'm so excited for them!! I can't wait to hear about how they've grown and what God did while they were there. Sunday night they each said a little something about how we could pray for them while they were away, and then we were asked to come down to lay hands on them and pray for their journey and experience there. It was so great to watch the body come together and corporately send them off. You could hear the praise and petitions for them as we all prayed. I wonder what the expression on God's face was. I won't have the audacity to try and comprehend His thoughts, but I'd like to think He was proud that we were acting as a body should. Sending out those to serve abroad, while others stay here to serve this community. I love it and I look forward to seeing what God has planned for this community....

So Eli, Where You From?

I honestly don't even know where to begin. Katrina came and went. Then the levee broke and families and lives were torn apart. I've been volunteering with the refugees at a few places around Baton Rouge. And from all of the emails and calls I've gotten it seems to me that there is not enough of the good stuff getting through to the world at large. So here is a little light-heartedness for all of you. To be perfectly honest, I've not gotten to the point where I have thought about it. I just rely on God to give me the strength to serve and love on those that I am meeting as I volunteer. I mostly play with children. And I think I've found another spiritual gift. I'm a couch. No, really. Every day I've worked at the shelter, a child has found his/her way into my arms and promptly falls asleep. It's mildly disconcerting that I'm boring to a toddler. Oh well.

Today we had a few celebrities come into the shelter. I was with my group from the Ring, waiting outside to be let in. There were a lot of cops and media for some reason. I thought it was a bit odd because the media cameras are not allowed into the shelter itself. So I'm standing by the door and this guy wearing a red cross smock walks up to me and says he appreciates me being there. I had the opportunity to tell him that we were playing with the children to give them and their parents a bit of a break. He turns around and grabs another man and introduces him to me. So I stick out my hand and introduce myself and say, "Hi, I'm Allison Miller. So Eli, where you from?" The man says, "New Orleans." I'm like, ok, that sucks that he's from New Orleans, considering that there isn't one any more. And then I wonder if he's lost his home like the rest of the people that I'd met at the shelter. He then thanks me also for working with the kids. Meanwhile, a few friends of mine around me weren't saying much. Which is weird, but I didn't say anything about it at the moment. After the guys moved away, Nathan and Hannah, look at me and say, "That was so awesome." I've got no clue what they are talking about. That's when they explain to me that I had just met the Director of the Red Cross and Eli Manning, quarterback for the New York Giants.