Hey Rock, Keep Quiet

My life is full of love at the moment. From well meaning people whom I love, but have broken my heart in the process. They speak to me "in love" but nothing they have to say is lovely. Nothing is grounded in the truth of God's word. So the Love of my Life has stepped in. He's reminding me who I am in Him every time I seek Him in His words to me. And I might be cutting off the circulation to His hand because I'm holding it so tight and trusting Him to bring me through this. I never thought my love life would be anyone's concern but my own and God's. But its big business around here presently. My community has helped me stay grounded in the truth of who I am and each word of comfort or hug they give me is another evidence of God's love for me. So I will not let that dumb rock cry out in praise before I do. I'll sing for Him through this even though my voice is a little shaky at the moment.....

For some reason I tend to think that satan has certain morals and standards. Like there is a line he just won't cross. Yeah, that's so far from the truth its ridiculous. It's unwise of me to forget that he's dangerous and doesn't pull any punches. Especially if he thinks I am/will be a threat to him. And yet he still has to ask God's permission to try and knock me flat. Sometimes God says yes, and other times God says no. Either way, He's right here with me, faithful and constant. I need to not think so much and just trust that He knows what He's doing even though my eyes might not see where He's going.

The important thing is not to think much, but to love much: do, then, whatever arouses you to love.....
Teresa of Avila

Blessed in Baker

Today was the best day I've ever spent in Baker. Actually, today was the only day I've spent in Baker before in my life. Its a city north of baton rouge. Anyways, I had thanksgiving with a friend of mine, Heather, and her family. It was wonderful. I come from a small family. Me and my sister, mom and dad, that's pretty much it for the holidays. Since we moved around so much growing up, it was small, intimate gatherings, but we all have fun together.

Like I said in an earlier post, I wasn't able to make it home for thanksgiving, so Heather was gracious enough to invite me to eat at her house. I gotta admit, I was a little nervous. I'd met Heather's mom once for like five minutes, and the rest of the family I'd only heard of. So as I'm driving there, I'm praying that I don't turn into Captain Awkward when I get there. I find the house, which is beautiful by the way, and is real close to some big church out there. I can't remember the name. More importantly, I had a fabulous thanksgiving. There were people everywhere!! There were cousins, uncles, aunts, grandfathers, grandmothers, and pets. It was like a dream come true. Chaos everywhere, but so much fun I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I sat at the kid's table across from a first grader named Alexis. We talked about school and books and coloring. Then a little later, over pecan pie, I had to do a little verbal sparring with Heather's grandfather because he was giving me a hard time about why I work for a non-profit instead of using my chemistry degree to make "big money."

God really wowed me this thanksgiving. I walked into a house full of strangers and walked out an honorary grandchild. It was such a blessing. I love when God surprises me. He knew I missed my family and gave me a substitute one to love on today for a few hours. He's so gracious and I hope He blesses me with a huge family of my own one day.

The Chapmans have a few traditions of their own that I found delightful. They sing this song that Heather's dad made up, and they all hold hands and pray around the table before they dig into the meal that the ladies have prepared. Our family traditions are we all go out to eat, and then we go see a movie on a holiday. So I kept half of the tradition by going to see a movie after Thanksgiving lunch. To read more about it, check out Ann's blog.

My Sense of Humor?!

Its been brought to my attention recently that my sense of humor doesn't really translate too well to the written word. Wisecracks about my physical appearance, family, marital status, race, interests, etc. are meant to be lighthearted and jolly. I'm nothing if not lighthearted and jolly, but I'm also not a writer. For heaven's sake, I've got a science degree. I think God gave me the ability to laugh at myself so I take the opportunity to see the lighter side of life as much as possible. However, if my humor has not come across as is intended, my apologies. I amuse myself daily and this blog really is just my randomness about my life with a steaming side of funny. At least, that's my intent.

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended:
That you have but slumbered here,
While these visions did appear;
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend.
If you pardon, we will mend.

See? I can write! Ha, not really, that's Bill. He's pretty good at the whole writing thing. Its a quote from A Midsummer Night's Dream. Not my fav Shakespeare play, but definitely top five....

Uh, Thanks?

I don't know if you've heard, but Thanksgiving is Thursday. No, I won't be going to my parent's house. I think this is the part where God strikes me with lightening for not going to them this holiday. It's not a tale of woe and sorrow that I won't be there. It's a 13 hour drive. That's not a typo, Texas really is a big state. And they live on the far side of it. Having said that, I adore my family. In fact, I will be spending all week with them on a ship during Christmas, so I can get all the family time I want then. It will be me, my sister, my sister's fiance, my mother and my father. Yeah, do the math on that. Odd man out? I think so....Moving on. In honor of the whole idea of giving thanks, here's what I'm thankful for.

God. Family. Friends. The Ring. Music. My Community Group. Taco Bell. Laughter. Hamburgers. Worship. Puppies. Books. Opportunities to serve. Unexpected care from random people in my life. Rocky Road Ice Cream. Freedom. Mission trips. Playing with kids, then returning them to whomever they belong to. Shoes. My Roomie. Movies. My job. My hair, yes, I complain and cut it off, but it's a great conversation starter.

And last but certainly not least, I'm thankful for........You!

Soaking It In

This post really doesn't have much to do with anything except what my heart and life is looking like at this moment. That's my disclaimer and I'm sticking to it.....

I'm going through a phase in my life. Who isn't these days? God is a God of process and right now I feel like I'm in school again. Certain people and circumstances in my life are encouraging me to step up and take a different role in loving on people. I'm not trying to be intentionally vague, just protecting the confidences I've been entrusted with. So I've been reading a lot. Not casual reading, the kind of reading where I take notes, reread it over until I get it, kind of reading. When I don't know a lot about a subject, I read. So I'm reading recommendations from friends as to how to use the gifts God's given me as well as how get more comfortable with those gifts to further the kingdom. Asking for opinions and advice pretty much anywhere I can get it. I need to get more comfortable with the whole idea of mentoring people. I need to get over the idea that pastors and children's ministers are the only ones who are mentors. We all are. Right now one of the books (Spiritual Mentoring: A Guide for Seeking and Giving Direction) I'm reading says:

Spiritual mentoring is a ministry given to each of us as we live in our families, in our friendships, in our churches, on our jobs and in all places we find ourselves. (pg. 22)

I leave the difficult stuff, the hard to talk about stuff, to my pastor and the Es. And God is now trusting me with people who don't know the pastor or the Es. They don't know God. They know me and the God I show to them. Or they know God, but have only walked with Him a little ways and need to be cared for as they grow, and God is giving me the opportunity to encourage and walk with them for a little while. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it's intimidating. I'm asked to solidify and explain my relationship with God. It's a vulnerable thing to walk with someone through this walk of faith. It asks a lot of me. Time, commitment, trust, faith, love, tenacity, humility.

And I also need to maintain my own relationship with God. Sometimes God tells me to pump the brakes and just sit and talk with Him for a little bit about how we are doing together. He did it yesterday on the road. I was calling people, checking up on them, praying for my church, my friends, my leadership, and then God mentally tapped me on the shoulder. He wanted to hear about how I was doing. So I just stopped what I was doing and just started chatting with Him about what's going on in my life. It wasn't a prayer or a sermon, it was just me talking to my Father. This life goes by so fast sometimes, that I forget to just stop and sit with Him for a while. Those times of silence do wonders for my heart......

Don't miss the voice of God in this time....God has your attention now while your life is only in first or second gear. Quit fighting it, and use your slow pace to listen. (pg. 40)

I See What I Wanna See

I went to the eye doctor today. In hindsight, I should've asked someone to take me, but anyone I'd think about asking to take me has a real job and taking me to the eye doctor would not have been a highlight to their day. Me and my pride get along well as you can see. We're the perfect couple. So I go to my optometrist and she gives me some new contacts. I frankly like my glasses, but occasionally the need arises that contacts would be better. Like cleaning up muck in Chalmette for example. So I pop in the new pair. They feel like silk on my eyes. Ahhh, it feels like my eyes are sighing. Yep, a definite step up from the pair I usually wear. Its like comparing sandpaper to silk. There's really no comparison. So I'm chatting with her about the contacts and she asks me if I want to dilate my eyes. Let me give you a little background into my world of vision. When I say I can't see three inches past my nose, I'm not being cute. I literally can't see. When I go to bed at night I place my glasses squarely by my alarm clock so they won't get knocked off. If I wake up and they are gone, I try not to freak out. I'm helpless. And I don't do helpless well. If my glasses get knocked off my face or anything like that, I'll freeze and not move. Someone has to guide me to where they are or I just drop to my knees and start feeling with my fingers as they strain to reach for my glasses wherever they've gone. Growing up, my eyes have always been bad. Now that I'm an adult (ha!) they've slowed somewhat. Which is a good thing, but I still need to stay up to date in my care of my eyes because I run a greater risk of problems since I'm so blind. I agree to get them dilated. Here's what happens. She drops a dye into each eye, then waits for 20 minutes as they go numb. Then when my pupil is dilated enough, she shines a light in them to look into the back of my eyes for any problems. Driving is not a good idea, and light is literally painful. The effects last for 4-6 hours. It sounds like cake. In reality, she gives me a tissue first. This is for the dye that will my eyes will be straining to push out by tearing up. So I lean back, she drops a drop in. I have to keep my eye open and head back as she does it again to the other eye. I use the tissue to wipe at my eyes. The dye is this bright yellow color. My roomie says, like pee? Yes, like pee. That really bright pee that means you've had too much caffeine. So my eyes are "peeing" at this point. Now's the really fun part. I go out into the waiting room and sit there as my eyes begin to go numb. Its such a weird feeling and I never get used to it. I have to remember to close my eyes when I wipe them because I wouldn't be able to feel the tissue if it was scratching my eye. Yeah, no pressure. So my pupils get bigger and bigger to where you can't see the green part anymore. Like a cat. You know how when they are really content, the black part of their eyes are little slits? But if they are freaked out, you can't see any of the color? That's what dilating your eyes does. So they are finally ready to be looked at. Yeah, that whole "minor sensitivity to light" in actuality is razors of pain as she shines this knife of light into my eye. Yee-ouch. But my eyes are healthy and looking good. All this time I'm asking her about eye problems being hereditary. I don't want this for my children. The moral of this story? Don't pick on the kid with glasses. We've got enough to deal with.....

I'm Not Ready to Die

Its been an eventful day. And as I write this my hands shake and tremble. I had the epiphany that I'm not ready to die. I didn't come to this lightly. Certain circumstances brought this realization to mind today. I was on my way home for lunch. My office is only a few miles from my house, so my usual routine is to go home for lunch. It gets me out of the office for a little bit and ready to get some work done when I come back. First stop was at the mall where I needed to pay a bill. It looked like it was fixing to pour buckets, but I thought I could make it. So I go in and pay my bill, but by the time I get done, its now raining heavily. Of course it is. So I slip off my heels and start walking to my truck. I'm almost there when this vehicle drives past me, splashing water on me. Seriously, who does that? I guess it didn't matter because I was soaked anyway, but come on!

So I'm safely in my truck and its raining cats and dogs. I go straight down Bluebonnet to take a left onto Jefferson Highway, the road my house is off of. I'm the first vehicle in the left hand turning lane, closest to oncoming traffic. As I'm sitting there, I look to my left and think, gosh, it sure would suck for someone to have a wreck here. Not 5 seconds after I think that, there is a car that is turning right onto Bluebonnet, and another car comes from the opposite direction. They collide. Horns blare, tires skid, and both cars lock together and slam into the vehicle directly behind me.

I'm not a couragous soul. In fact, there's not much bravery in my make-up. I have no doubt God was watching over me during all of this. When it comes to my personal safety and security, its pretty much me and Him these days. More Him than me. I try to be smart about this physical world, but as much as I'd like to disagree, some things ARE beyond my control.

Chivalry in Chalmette

Saturday I was up at the crack of dawn. Ok, so it was around 6am, but it sure felt like it was closer to 3am. Probably because the night before I'd gone out with my community group to go bowling and then to girls' night.

Why am I up this early you ask? Because I was going to go down to Chalmette (east of New Orleans) to help as part of a demolition crew for a few of the houses that were flooded; not because of Katrina but because of the levee breech. Oh yeah, I'm going to be a huge help with a demolition crew. I'm five-four, weigh not-a-lot, and don't know what a bench press is. However, I do have two hands and a stubborn streak, so I figured I could do a little something or another there. Why not? God's done crazier things before, surely He'll help me out with this. And He did, but I'm jumping ahead. So I get a friend of mine to come with me and we head up to the church. You can tell who the morning people are because they are oh-so-chipper, meanwhile I'm just waiting to pounce on anyone who gives me a hard time about not being a morning person. So as I sit in Crabbyville, more and more people arrive and then its time to go. Ok, so its like 9 guys and 4 girls. We were totally going to do some damage today. Its now 7:30am by the time we get on I-10 to head south.

The drive to NO was not bad at all, I got to play DJ in our vehicle, so that was fun. Anyways, as we get closer to NO, I begin to see the signs of damage. I'd not been down there since the hurricane and flood. In fact, the last time I'd been to NO was the thursday before Katrina hit that following Monday. I'd been to an organizational fair at Dillard University, one of the three traditionally black colleges in the area. The University itself did not fare well in the flood, about fifty percent of the faculty will come back to the school. Back to my story, I was not ready emotionally to see the damage. It was heartbreaking. I just sat there as we drove farther and farther into the devastated areas. I saw cars on top of cars, trees in houses, boats on the road because they had gotten loose from their bonds. Yes, it was sad, and I found it hard to breathe, not from the air, just because I began to see how devastating this really was. And then God was gracious enough to show me that these people who'd had everything wiped away in one fell swoop had not given up. There were signs everywhere of God bless, we will rebuild, we'll make it, if you need help, call so-and-so. It was incredible. Then we arrived in the neighborhood where we would be working. There were signs of life being rebuilt, cleaned up, and a determination that this too shall pass. We stopped at the houses we were going to demolish, got out, suited up, grabbed tools, and started getting to work. When I say suited up, I mean, leather work gloves, rubber gloves, big huge rubber boots, and dust masks. Yeah, I'm glad I was there to look good because otherwise I'd have looked ridiculous. ;) Although I gotta admit, I'm so glad I wore the boots and gloves and ratty clothes because everything needed to be burned after we got done. It was a whole lot of fun. Yes, it was work. Serious work. I've not shoveled muck like that since, well, never actually. And the million nails that ended up being pulled out probably could've been used to build another house. But I'd sign up to go again in a heartbeat.

I noticed a lot about my community Saturday. The guys in my community, aka my church, have some of the best hearts I've seen. They worked SO hard!! The girls did too, but after we got done working on the houses, we went to another house where the men loaded up a few of the trucks with a displaced students' furniture and then delivered it once we were back home in Baton Rouge. That's the type of community and church I want to be in! Where they put their needs aside and give to others? I'll sign up to be a part of that. I saw God in them Saturday. That's my community, that's my leadership, that's my church, and in the end, that's my God.

The MAN

Hmm. There's nothing fun and weird happening right now this week. I mean there is stuff going on but its not jet enough to actually blog about. So what's in my life worth blogging? How about my favorite characteristics of the Man Upstairs? That's right, I'm gonna make a list of why God is the love of my life. Here we go:

I love God because:

He loved me first.

He has a fabulous sense of humor. (i.e. a giraffe? hilarious.)

He is stable.

He is faithful.

He gave His pride and joy for me. (i.e. that Jesus kid. Don't know who I'm talking about? Check out John 3:16.)

He makes me smile.

He is gentle.

He is ferocious.

He randomly sweeps me off my feet.

He randomly smacks me upside the head.

He's still shaping me.

He is mighty.

He gives fantastic hugs.

Alright, that's it for the whole 5 minute brainstorming I did for this list. I expect all of you to add to it. Why does God light up your life?

My God in Whatever

I travel a lot with my job. It's all Louisiana roads so I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm driving. Things I do on the road include text messaging (not a good idea and yet I still do it), singing at the top of my lungs (I'm pretty sure I'm tone deaf), and quiet time with God (my favorite). If you know me, I'm a little bit in love with Steven Curtis Chapman. So I was listening to one of his CDs and Whatever came on. Here are some of the lyrics:

"I made a list, wrote down from A to Z All the ways I thought that You could best use me Told all my strengths and my abilities I formed a plan it seemed to make good sense I laid it out for You so sure You'd be convinced I made my case, presented my defense But then I read the letter that You sent me It said that all You really want from me is just Whatever, whatever You say Whatever, I will obey Whatever, Lord, have Your way 'Cause You are my God, whatever"


This song is so like me. I have the irritating habit of picking and choosing what I'll trust God with in my life. And half the time I don't just sit there and trust Him, I mettle. I truly desire His will, and yet I have trouble just letting Him have total and complete control. What audacity to think the Lord of the Universe needs my help. Delayed obedience is still disobedience, so I'm taking it a day at a time trusting Him with every facet of my life. I'm learning but its a slow process. In this world of "I want it now" God tells me to chill. The One who romances me, fights for me, claims me as His, and loves me more than I can comprehend, knows where my life will lead. Its just a question of how hard I want to make it on myself. Let's hear it for the slow learners.....

My First Tailgate at LSU

Saturday I went to my first tailgating party at LSU. It was fun. I got to hang out with a ton of friends and get to know a few of them better. I sat with some friends of mine from my community group. I don't think I've explained what a cg is in a while so I'll recap to refresh everyone's memory. A community group is a branch of the church I attend. Its not a bible study. We do study the bible, but mostly its a few people getting together once a week to get involved in each other's lives and find out how God is moving and growing us. It's wonderful. Ideally, its a group of 8-10 people. If that group gets bigger, and that's a good thing, we split into two groups. My group has 24. Which is too big. We all get along great and we need to split, but that's a story for another time. Back to the tailgate. It was really fun. I just sat and chatted with people. Met a few faces I didn't know, but for the most part, just sat, laughed, and ate. Speaking of eating, there was plenty of food. Hmmm. I love food. And our pastor made jambalaya, hamburgers, hot dogs and chicken wings. Yay, food. It was scrumptous. The jambalaya burnt the hair off my tongue, but I'm a big baby. And I ended up practically licking the plate anyway. Even though I didn't have tickets to the game it didn't matter because I had an absolute blast just hanging out at the RV. I'm officially a fan of LSU tailgating. Keep it on the downlow though, I'm not supposed to like anything LSU.....

Tigerama

Last night I went to LSU's Tigerama. And dare I say it, I enjoyed it. A lot of my friends graduated from LSU and with it comes the ingrained pride that I every so often, once in a blue moon, might give them a hard time about. I have absolutely nothing against LSU and it would not surprise me if my children one day go there. In the meantime, I pretty much take every opportunity to make fun of the LSU craziness that runs rampant in this town. I went with a few guy friends of mine who make me laugh at myself a lot. If I had a lick of sense, I'd be knocking on their door to take me out, but alas, hope springs eternal for another. So we go to this Tigerama thing. I know little to nothing about music, but I didn't have to know anything to have a good time. The wind ensemble and symphonic wind people played three songs and then the marching band came and played along with the color guard and golden girls. My favorite was the LSU Rhapsody that the ensemble did. It was a fun song. We sat with the Parkview Band Director and he really likes when the ensemble plays God of Our Fathers. During the last part of the song, the marching band comes filing down the stairs and they all stop and play in the aisle. Its cool. Speaking of the marching band, they work really hard. They stood up during the whole program and the sweat was pouring. I like when the band dances with their instruments. They don't really dance but they swing side to side and it just looks fun. Speaking of dancing, the marching band leaves that to the color guard and the golden girls. I'm not really a big fan of the golden girls outfits. They leave nothing to the imagination and I wanted to give each of them a sandwich. They were tiny. They were beautiful, but I think that they could show off their dancing ability with a little more fabric to their costumes. The guys with me weren't complaining so I kept my comments to a minimum. Meanwhile, the color guard was good too. The flags look great flying in the air. At the end of the program they played the Alma Mater and everyone was singing, it was great. All in all it was a good night. Now I'm going to my first tailgating party with the ring. It should be fun. LSU fans are a wee bit crazy.

My Nephew, Sort of

Allow me to introduce you to the twinkle in my sister's eye. His name is Higgins. (Yep, as in the butler from Magnum P.I.) He weighs over half my body weight, adores my sister, and wiggles his whole body when he's happy because he has no tail. Louis, my future brother-in-law and Leanne, my sister, dropped by on their way to Houston Tuesday night. They live in Florida, but Louis' office was destroyed thanks to Hurricane Wilma so they are going to be living in Houston for a while. They packed up a few clothes, all the meat in their freezer, and this little hairball to relocate to H-town. I always love seeing them for a few reasons. One, they're family and I don't have any in these parts, no blood relation anyway. Two, Louis loves Leanne and I enjoy seeing my sister interact with the man who's going to hang out with her for the next 60 or so years. And last but not least, they are a little crazy. Everyone needs a dose of crazy in their lives every so often to shake things up a bit.

O Those Louisiana Men

So I was in the metropolis of Pineville today. I was on a two-bit road on my way to a school and there was a train blocking the tracks. No big deal, I'm early for my meeting anyway. So I'm sitting in my truck minding my own business, when the guy in front of me gets out of his Ford. He's a middle aged man, hasn't missed too many meals in his life, and has on jeans, a long-sleeved flannel shirt and a beat up cap. I kid you not, he gets out of his car, looks at me, rummages in the back of his truck, pulls out a miller light and gets back in his truck. I'm thinking, he's not going to open it. I'm not from these parts, but I'm pretty sure open container laws are popular throughout the U.S. Nope, he totally opens it. Then a few minutes later pulls out his can of Skoal. Let me just tell you there's nothing more attractive than a middle-aged lawbreaker with a mouth full of chew.

Einstein and Su Doku

So I went to Barnes and Noble today. I try not to go too often because I consider books one of my favorite things in life. I love to walk the halls of libraries and see what kind of treasure I can dig up. Books were my friends growing up, and I learned to love them. And I'm still appalled when I see a book that's been written in, or has dog-earred pages. I was taught to treat them with respect and honor, like grandparents. You are gentle with them because they are older and wiser than you and you could learn something from them. Anyways, now that I'm a grown up its up to me to finance my book addiction and little things like rent and gas and food kind of take priority. But today I splurged. I took $20 in and walked out with two new best friends. One of them is a book of Su Doku. Su Doku, roughly translated in Japanese meaning "number place" is a mathematical crossword of sorts. It looks like a crossword, except it uses the numbers 1-9 and only requires logic and patience. Each row and column must contain 1-9 and there can not be any repeats. I like it for a few reasons. One, I'm a math nerd and two, it keeps my brain sharp. I've not been in college for a few years, no you don't need to know how many, and I like the idea that this helps keep the little grey cells moving about. The second book I bought is called Dear Professor Einstein. Its a book of letters that children wrote to Einstein and his responses to them. I've got a huge amount of respect for that man. Plus I'm always fascinated at the different views of historical figures, besides the events that made them famous.

I should really be asleep right now because I'm going to Alexandria tomorrow, but I think I've got time for one more Su Doku.....