Practice Mom...

Last night I had my first baby to take care of. His name was Julian, and he was ten months old. There was also Kaylie, who was 6. Kaylie I'd babysit before. I definitely regress into a younger girl when I'm playing with her...

That being said, I don't play pretend mom. I don't let myself think like that. Yes, I will totally care for others' children. And yeah, I will have fun with them. However, I don't let my mind wander about if my children will have my curls and their fathers' eyes. Its just not something I let whisper hope into my heart...

And then last night I got to care for a baby and a 6 year old at the same time. Julian is a wiggle worm and can't walk yet. So he'll reach up for me to be held. I'm not up on baby cues but when he totters over to me, grabs my pant leg and reaches up for me, I figure that means he wants to be held. I pick him up, then he starts wiggling like he wants down. So I try to put him down, but he clutches my shirt when I set him on the floor... Meanwhile, Kaylie was giving commands as opposed to please and thank you so she and I worked on our manners while she was with me...

I help babysit with another lady. She's got kids, even grandkids, so she's an experienced mom. I'm struggling with Julian asking her what he wants. She says, Its always a guessing game. It gets easier when you have your own because you learn what they want or need. You need to get used to this, you'll be doing it one day...

A few hours later, Kaylie and I are dancing in the nursery. Julian likes music and he'll bob to a tune. So we kept music on all night. After spinning around with her, I needed to catch my breath. I mutter something to Ms. D about being too old for this. Meanwhile, Kaylie says something to me about if I'm waiting for my dancing partner, but I miss it and ask her to say it again. She looks at me calm as you please and says, "Are you waiting for your mate?" Which promptly made Ms. D bust out laughing... I'm not sure if she was laughing at what Kaylie had just said or the look on my face after Kaylie said that...

"I Kiss Better Than I Cook..."

Its potluck time again at my church. Which is totally cool. There's something that kind of makes you feel like family when you're eating together... I think food does that to you. I don't know many people who hate eating. Heck, it relaxes me just sitting over a steaming cup of coffee... Back to my story...

The unfortunate part of this is that my name is Miller. M. They break all of us up into what we will bring by our last names. There are three categories. Main dish, side dish, and dessert. The basics of life right there. This time around, I'm a main dish. Gulp. MAIN DISH.

A friend of mine asked me what I was going to bring. I asked him if pizza rolls counted as a main dish. He then tentatively offered his wifes' cooking skills for my benefit. So sunday morning, I'll be at their house bright and early to learn how to cook a roast. I'm excited about it, but if I mess it up, I'm totally buying a bucket of chicken or something. My failures in the kitchen are the stuff of legends... But I'm blessed enough to have extremely capable women in my life who are willing to help me learn slowly and steadily...

Meanwhile, Court sent me a text message with the following picture... Which made me bust out laughing when I saw it...

I will neither confirm nor deny that statement...

Life Together...

If my life were a tv show, it would be a soap opera. Which is pretty terrible because I hate those things. Drama everywhere, twists and turns that are completely ridiculous and never ending. Lately the wish I wish for me, quite selfishly, is that I don't have any drama anymore. People who are hurt by me or others, or situations that the silver lining seems to be too cleverly hidden for me to see.

I'm reading this book called Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Right now he's talking about the life of Jesus. How He spent the majority of His time in the midst of His enemies. I guess I'd never thought of it like that. I always liked the stories of Him kicking a and taking names with love and compassion, but it never occurred to me how hard that must have been. For Him, as well as His followers. To rarely have a moments' peace. Constantly showing them how to live and love and sometimes being completely misunderstood by everyone...

I'm not Jesus. I walk beside and belong to a community of believers. People who will pick me up and dust me off when I fall, or set me straight with kindness and maturity because they love me. Hopefully in turn our relationship is grounded in Him so I can do the same. Yeah, life is hard. Especially when you live in a world where your enemy is closer than you think and certainly more cunning than I give him credit for...

That being said. Dang it, I'm going to be joyful if it kills me. That doesn't mean that I'm happy 24-7, I think joyful for me means being at peace, not just ok, with what is going on. He's got everything completely in His hand. And I'm leaving it there. All of it. Yeah, I get tired of heartache, betrayal, rejection, manipulation, and the just plain stupid crap that goes on. Who doesn't? But after decades of walking with Him, I'm hoping I've learned a little. Give up. Give it to Him, trust Him that He knows better than I do, and love like there's no tomorrow...

9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
Galations 6:9-10

Dream Wedding...

I had a dream last night of my wedding day. Everyone was there, the bridesmaids had walked down the aisle. I was in a black halter dress for some reason. Which just goes to show you how unrealistic this wedding was, because no way am I wearing a black dress as my wedding gown...

Anyways, the ladies had walked down the aisle. I'm there, ready to go down the aisle and my soon-to-be-husband is gone. Not gone to war, not dead, both of which I could live with. Nope, he changed his mind and decided he didn't want to marry me. He didn't tell me this, no one had to tell me. I just knew. (Dreams are like that. You know the reasoning behind someones actions without being shown or told what it is.) I wake up this morning crying. Which is weird. Why would I cry over an imaginary wedding day with an imaginary groom calling it quits before we even started our lives together?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not cynical about my wedding day. That day is not something I take notes about and frankly, this is the first dream I can remember having about it. As for the eternal question of lots Christian ladies, will I be a wife? My opinion on it? I don't care. God has me hook line and sinker. If one of these days He decides I'll make one-half of a pair, that's cool. You know what's cool about my life right now? I get tons and tons of opportunities to take care of people around me every day that frankly would become less of a priority if I was attached to a boy who loves Jesus. So I soak it in, or try to anyway. Husbands? Cooking? Babies? Maybe one day. There's too many other important things going on in this world to worry about that stuff. We live in a broken world and we get to tell others about the One who can heal it and them. Hopefully I take advantage of those daily opportunities He gives me to do just that...

But waking up crying was a little weird... Must have been something I ate...

Girls Will Be Girls...

A few of my friends are having babies. Which is lovely. Who doesn't like babies? Well, I don't actually. It's not that I don't LIKE them, I just don't hold or touch them. I give them their distance, they give me mine. Diapers, pacifiers, tiny clothes, the little ones themselves... I just get a little antsy with them. I think I'm going to break them, or worse, make them cry. It really bothers me when they cry. I don't know what their crying means. It's a completely foreign world to me, however, I have a few friends who are extremely experienced in the way of the wee one. They will be excellent mothers for lots of reasons, one of which is there wide range of experiences with them...

Today I was shopping for a new arrival for some of my friends. I was at a store, picking up everything I needed, totally working up the courage to go to the baby stuff. So finally I put on my game face and head to the little kid area. I'm looking for some big sis stuff. As with all the gifts I give, I'm not sure what I want until I see it or come up with an idea. I wander through the aisles and completely lose hope for finding anything for this child. Fortunately, there was a mom there with a little girl of her own. Then I decide that I'm going to need some help, so I walk up to this mom and proceed to tell her the new big sisters' age and height. She very graciously took pity on me and told me what size she would be. I was able to pick out something for her but definitely got a gift receipt just in case...

After finding a big sis gift, I headed over to have lunch with Court and her little ones she was watching. A two year old, P, and a one year old, May May. I get there and they were just getting out of the car. P hops out of the car, waving and calling me Ms. Allison. I tell him howdy and then help Court unload her car. Meanwhile, May is asleep in her car seat. Court tells me to get May. Gulp. Ok. I crawl into the back of the car to get this little girl out of her car seat and not have her wake up in some strangers arms. She kind of wakes up a little when I get her out of the seat, but then falls back asleep on my shoulder. I take her to her room, lay her down, and take off her little pink shoes. Then we go get lunch ready. May is sleeping this whole time. We all sit down for lunch, then wake May up for her lunch. She is put in her seat. She looks around, we all look at her, and then she immediately starts crying these alligator tears. Just so upset. I ask Court what is wrong with her. Court says, nothing, she's just doing that. Court mentions the words "time out corner" and immediately that little girl stops crying, stops yelling and calmly sits in her seat. It was crazy how fast she just turned it off. I'm thinking we as girls learn manipulation early on in life...

39. Weddings

I watched a wedding today. Actually I watched about thirteen thousand weddings today, but I focused on one in particular.

I guess I need to talk about how that works before we go any further. I can be outside of time and put Myself in it all at the same time...or I should say all at once. I can see everybody all the time and I intervene as I please. When I say I focused on one, some of you might be disturbed that I might not have focused on the others. Most of what I say about stuff like this has to be interpreted metaphorically so you can understand. The way I made your brain and how you think is really not capable of getting the whole "time" and watching-everyone-at-the-same-time concepts.

BTW, I made your brain with that limitation so you could experience the wonderfully brilliant contrast that you will experience when you leave your short life and enter into the next one.

Don't get all disturbed about

HOW AND
WHERE AND WHEN
I AM.

You'll get it sometime...except...I can't really say "sometime." You'll get it during another experience in another place in another dimension beyond this reality. Okay, now back to the wedding.

The young bride was beautiful and the young man quite dashing (as are all My creations.) They held hands and indescribable feelings swept through their insides. He smiled a lot and did a pretty good job at holding back his tears.

She laughed out loud a few times-not on purpose, and not because anything funny happened. It's just part of the way I made her. Her nervousness caused it, and it held her together at a time when she could have fallen apart.
They said their vows.
They thought about their lives together, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer.
And they mean it. I know their hearts. I can see into their future.
I'VE already been there.
I AM there right now.

Health problems will come,
money situations will arise,
and they will be shaken.
They will complain and
they will doubt and
they will fight.

She will wonder sometimes if she should have done this. He will wonder sometimes if there were someone more suited for him.

Sometimes they will forget the part in the ceremony where it was said that they will build their marriage on Me.

Those times will be the hardest.
I will use everything at My disposal-

circumstances and
people and
books and
solitude and
tragedy and
laughter and
memories-

to nudge them toward an important truth.

There are things that she will do to hurt him every so often. There will be things he does sometimes that make her feel unimportant and unloved. And when they get quiet and reflective...when they stop talking and listen to Me.

I'll remind them that they (along with everyone else on the planet) do the same things to Me every day.

But I'M not going anywhere.
Sickness and health. Richer and poorer. I AM.

I'M going to keep on loving...and when My bride, My church, My people ignore Me for a long time...and don't speak to Me...and forget that I AM important...and when they do things that they know hurt Me...

I will not give up on them.

I will stand beside them holding their hand like the perfectly manicured groom in his elegant tuxedo, and even then, I will be saying "To love and to cherish, to have and to hold from this day forward...till death brings us together...for the rest of eternity."


GOD'S BLOGS. Lanny Donoho. A chapter that made me smile...