Today was a rough day. I knew I was going to hurt someone. Last night was wonderful and I woke up this morning realizing that I was going to need to stay away from the general human population. Why was I in a mood this morning? I'd just spent the last night with my Father praising Him and having His joy pour over me and spill out of my every smile. And then I woke up with the responsibility of my job and getting back to the "real world." Everything seriously pales in comparison to being with Him. And I got a taste of it today.
Nothing bad happened. No one died. I didn't faint. In fact, I was on the road for most of the day. I went to Lake Charles. 173.7 miles there and back from Baton Rouge. Easy peasy. Met with my college student, jumped in my car and made it back home. I hadn't gotten into a fight, car wreck, etc. I was now home and nothing too terrible can happen when I'm at home, right? Well...
3:00 rolls around, and I'm in good standing. It's been a rough day emotionally, not sure why, but it has been. And then I blow it. I was fine, everything was dandy. And then Wham! I get my feelings hurt. That's not the part I'm embarrassed about. It's my reaction that is humbling. I pout. Oh, yeah, I'm WAY past the age of pouting, and there I am, a big baby. There are a few reasons why I'm feeling frustrated. I'm not good at communicating with the friend in question. I'm not sure what happens. My heart and head are of one mind, then somewhere between my heart and my mouth, the wires get crossed and I end up sticking my foot in my mouth. So I do a lot of keeping my mouth shut because I only make myself more vulnerable when I open it. Which means I hold my heart back as well, and that really doesn't bode well with me. I'm not supposed to live like that, of that I'm sure of.
Last night I asked God to fulfill the promises He's made in my life just like He did for my church. And then I get my feelings hurt today. I'm not sure if He's answering my question or telling me I've heard Him wrong for the past six months. And that's completely possible.
I knew someone was going to be hurt today, I just didn't think it would be me. Or that I'd be the one doing the hurting.
I knew someone was going to be hurt today, I just didn't think it would be me. Or that I'd be the one doing the hurting.
6 comments:
Hey Allison, Wow! We're so sorry that you had such a tough day. We read what you wrote about last night, about your awesome church service. I can just see you dancing before the Lord. What a sweet, sweet blessing you are. You made John cry. We hear what you are saying! What great joy we are experiencing right now, just knowing where you are at with our Savior. We really needed that. We love you so, so much!!! J & Wi
John and Wilma!
O, how I've missed y'all! I'm sitting here close to midnight checking this thing because I kept tossing and turning and God told me to get my butt up and check my blog and here you are having just written ten minutes ago. And there are tears streaming down my face now.
I love you both so much and please don't be a stranger. And now I'm going to introduce you to the rest of my loved ones who read my blog.
John was my youth group leader back when I was a sophomore and junior in high school. Wilma is the better looking half in this partnership. John helped me see what grace in action looks like and Wilma tried to teach me that God made me lovely. (I say tried because I'm still learning that lesson Wilma.)
And together as a couple they taught me that life in a marriage has difficulities but if God is first in the marriage, not only will it survive, it will thrive.
I love you both.
i took the easy way out - i took the day off. i know the high from last night won't last forever, so i'm relishing in it as long as i possibly can.
even Jesus experienced these highs and lows - booming voice from heaven, "This is my Son, with Whom I am well-pleased." Then straight into the desert without passing go.
i'm sorry you're hurting. i know that's a totally inadequate statement, but please know that when you hurt, we all hurt.
you may not believe me yet, but i've learned not to push so hard. i'm here if and when you need me. anytime.
much love, my friend.
Well, I have foot-in-mouth disease and with a size 13 that's no fun.
I want to echo that you are family and you know that I'm here anytime you need.
Well Allison.. I just wanted to give you some love and let you know that you're pretty much one of the most amazing people created. I love you more than trees! And I don't know if you've seen a tree lately... but they are dang cool.
I'm alright y'all. Really. It's just frustrating because I hold myself back when it comes to communicating verbally with said friend. I've stepped in it unwittingly lots of times to the point where now I just sit there mute. Or I keep my comments surface level. Sheesh, coward that I am. Ha ha.
Lanie,
Trees are dang cool and I'm pleasantly surprised that I'm higher up on the list of your loves. You're up there on mine as well.
The plus side to all this, God is still faithful even when I try to stomp every dash of hope.
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