The Breakup

Last night at church was, well, breathtaking to say the least. I'll leave out all the tears and snot, but the idea that clung to me was that God trusts me with stuff. That's weird to me. And changes my perspective on my life in a heartbeat. Knowing that I'm walking through things because He trusts me somehow makes me feel better. His sovereignty abounds, and yet He still wants me involved in my life. I want a whole lot more of Him, a lot less more of me.

Circumstances are hard and intimidating and I'm going to praise Him for it instead of piss and moan. Sure, my voice cracks and I shake like a leaf when overwhelmed by the thought of the unknown, but He's still faithful and constant and just the stability that I so desperately desire. He hasn't taken me out of my circumstances. And believe me I've asked Him to. A lot. And I don't think He's said no. He's just said not now. So I'm learning to trust Him even more. Or I'm trying to anyway.

Last night and this morning I heard the same song on the radio. On my drive to work today I had turned it off and was just thanking Him for me having no clue what's going on but still wanting me involved in the process. And asking Him to help me glorify Him because I don't know what the heck I'm doing or where He's leading me. I have the notion to turn the radio back on and lo and behold, its the same song I heard last night. Appropriate in my situation. (I love when He does that.) It's a song called So Long Self by MercyMe.

Well if I come across a little bit distant/It's just because I am/Things just seem to feel a little bit different/You understand/Believe it or not but life is not apparently/About me anyways/But I have met the One who really is worthy/So let me say/

/So long, self/Well, it's been fun, but I have found Somebody else/So long, self/There's just no room for two/So you are gonna have to move/So long, self/Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell/Oh well, goodbye, don't cry/So long, self//

Stop right there because I know what you're thinking/But no we can't be friends/And even though I know your heart is breaking/This has to end/And come to think of it the blame for all of this/Simply falls on me/For wanting something more in life than all of this/Can't you see/

/Don't feel so bad (don't feel so bad)//There'll be better days (there'll be better days)//Don't go away mad (but by all means)//Just go away, go away/