I just got off the phone with my mom. I screened her call. I knew what she was going to say. But I called her back anyway. Hoping maybe this time would be different. I could tell her I was having a rough go of it and she wouldn't tell me what she usually tells me.
Nope.
I said I was having a hard time emotionally over the past two months. She recommended I back away from my church, get a part-time job, meet some new people and reminded me that I was alone. Mmm. Don't get me wrong, my mom has been very influential in helping shape who I am. She introduced me to Jesus. I'll always be grateful for that. I love her. And she loves me. But I've fallen short. Not so much that I'm a complete failure, I just don't quite measure up. Hair's too short, skin's too pale, still in Baton Rouge, don't make enough money, not a wife, still a part of the Ring. I'm almost a beauty. But not quite.
This week has been a bit of a refresher course that I don't measure up. I've gotten like 47 things wrong. This ain't no pity party. The only one who can claim responsibility for it is me. It stings but its true. I'm not below average intelligence. I complicate things. It doesn't start out that way, I just end up sticking my foot in my mouth. What is that saying about the road to hades being paved with good intentions?
I think its gotten worse as I've gotten older. There have been a ton of examples where the consequences of my mouth have hurt myself or ones I love. The newest examples are the hardest. Where I've damaged friendships that I held close, and I'm not a lady anymore to a group of people I respect. Oh, that one still hurts sometimes. All of it just reminds me of the selfishness that stares me in the face when I look in the mirror.
I might not be a lady, a wife, a perfect 10 in this world, but I'm worth something. My Lord thinks so. He made me the way I am. Even with my naive heart and foolish mouth...
Nope.
I said I was having a hard time emotionally over the past two months. She recommended I back away from my church, get a part-time job, meet some new people and reminded me that I was alone. Mmm. Don't get me wrong, my mom has been very influential in helping shape who I am. She introduced me to Jesus. I'll always be grateful for that. I love her. And she loves me. But I've fallen short. Not so much that I'm a complete failure, I just don't quite measure up. Hair's too short, skin's too pale, still in Baton Rouge, don't make enough money, not a wife, still a part of the Ring. I'm almost a beauty. But not quite.
This week has been a bit of a refresher course that I don't measure up. I've gotten like 47 things wrong. This ain't no pity party. The only one who can claim responsibility for it is me. It stings but its true. I'm not below average intelligence. I complicate things. It doesn't start out that way, I just end up sticking my foot in my mouth. What is that saying about the road to hades being paved with good intentions?
I think its gotten worse as I've gotten older. There have been a ton of examples where the consequences of my mouth have hurt myself or ones I love. The newest examples are the hardest. Where I've damaged friendships that I held close, and I'm not a lady anymore to a group of people I respect. Oh, that one still hurts sometimes. All of it just reminds me of the selfishness that stares me in the face when I look in the mirror.
I might not be a lady, a wife, a perfect 10 in this world, but I'm worth something. My Lord thinks so. He made me the way I am. Even with my naive heart and foolish mouth...
But now, this is what the LORD says
He who created you, O Jacob,
He who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are Mine.
Isaiah 43:1
He who created you, O Jacob,
He who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are Mine.
Isaiah 43:1
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