i've been at my church for 4.5 years. longest i've been anywhere as an adult. that's crazy. i've had some of the greatest moments of my life in that church, and some of the hardest challenges i've yet to face in my christian walk. i was telling my coworkers yesterday that working at the Southern University Katrina shelter was easily one of the best times of my life. It was hard, but that was a small price to pay for the honor of being able to love on those kids and parents.
tonight i was having my nightly phone call with courtney, talking about service projects in the community. i used to help out with that corporately and then it just kind of faded away. i don't know where it went, honestly. for a moment it was a brilliant promise, and then it kind of lost momentum. i still get emails from various organizations and it brings to mind what could have been, but just didn't. timing has never been my strong suit.
ah, what could have been. its a phrase that catches my attention lately. two years ago, i unwittingly began walking through the most maturing thing for my personal growth while being a part of this church. its not that my church is doing badly. at all. in fact, they are doing great. no longer a baby church, its learning and growing as it goes along.
sunday night the sermon was about openness, and trust, and being vulnerable with the people God has put in your life. the part i desperately wanted to hear is what happens when that only happens with 1/2 of that acquaintanceship, friendship, marriage, familial relationship, office, church?
what do you do when you've dragged God into a situation so achingly bittersweet and yet draws you closer to Him in your walk at the same time? that you've gotten it wrong so many times that every step is wobbly and unsure now? what's the best thing you can do to protect the ones you love from you? how far would you go not knowing what is best?
leave. stay. run. pray. shout. cry. laugh. point. stare. ask. whisper. plead. walk. fight. stop.
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